


What Won't I do?

by WAWritings



Series: End of the Line [2]
Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Blood and Injury, F/M, Frank Is A Little Shit, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Sad people just wanting to be happy, Sexual Content, Takes place during Daredevil season 2, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-07 08:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12837009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WAWritings/pseuds/WAWritings
Summary: “So tell me about this girl,” You murmured and slid into the bed next to Frank. There was a rare twinkle in his eye that was accompanied by a goofy grin. It was rare to see quiet and introverted Frank a little bashful and star eyed. This was a side so few people had seen. To most it would have seemed odd. To you it was like Christmas come early to see him happy.“Damn she was-” He trailed and just looked out the window of your shared apartment. “She was beautiful. And witty too, she gave as good as she got.” Laughing you patted his shoulder and smiled. Frank Castle had it bad for a woman he had just met. It was good to see him happy.“What’s her name?” You asked.  The bottle of whiskey that sat open between you found its way to his lips.“Maria,” He stated and his voice dropped low, “Mark my words, I’m going to marry that woman.”





	1. The Door That Slammed Shut

"In my eyes  
Even if you are wrong, you are right  
Even if there is a terrible crime  
It's alright, 'cause I got your back, and I know you got mine  
I belong to the church of your name  
Sing a song, 'cause I worship the ground you walk on  
If I pray for you, I know you'll be there  
You gon' make me a believer  
Even if that shit ain't true  
You gon' make me commit murder  
Baby, I'd kill for you

In my bed I believe every word that you've said  
Just a kiss and you make me forget  
All the bad, the battles we lost, the bodies we hid  
You don't know, just how far I'd be willing to go  
You put the cracks into my moral code  
So you can count on me to always be there

You could make me a believer  
Even if that shit ain't true  
You gon' make me commit murder  
Baby, I'd kill for you"

-"Kill for You", Skylar Grey

_“So tell me about this girl,” You murmured and slid into the bed next to Frank. There was a rare twinkle in his eye that was accompanied by a goofy grin. It was rare to see quiet and introverted Frank a little bashful and star eyed. This was a side so few people had seen. To most it would have seemed odd. To you it was like Christmas come early to see him happy._

_“Damn she was-” He trailed and just looked out the window of your shared apartment. “She was beautiful. And witty too, she gave as good as she got.” Laughing you patted his shoulder and smiled. Frank Castle had it bad for a woman he had just met. It was good to see him happy._

_“What’s her name?” You asked.  The bottle of whiskey that sat open between you found its way to his lips._

_“Maria,” He stated and his voice dropped low, “Mark my words, I’m going to marry that woman.”_

_Frank was rarely wrong. This time was no exception. Maria was soon Mrs. Castle. The biggest thing had been introducing the two of you. Maria was worried that you wouldn’t like her, being the best friend and all. You were worried that she would get territorial due to the fact that you were another woman. Turns out it was Frank who should have been worried. The two of you got along too damn well. First of all Maria was remarkably intelligent and observant; there was little that happened around her that she didn’t notice and she had a good sense of humor. There were some nights when the two of you would go out and drink. The stories that she could tell about her shitty boss or parents could last for hours. Those were the good times. Things got tense when you got deployed. As a corpsman you were responsible for keeping soldiers alive and this time it looked like your deployment would last a little longer than usual. Frank was nervous and was fretting about. The two of you had been close for a very long time and he didn’t enjoy being separated from you. But you had a duty to your country and the men who served it._

_“Frank.” You embraced him, “Everything is going to be fine,” He looked at you like he wasn’t sure if that was true or not. You were capable of taking care of yourself but that didn’t mean that everyone else would have your back._

_“You call whenever you get a chance and you stay alert. I just got a bad feeling about this one, yeah? Got it?” He pressed his forehead to yours and you nodded._

_“C’mon, you know I’m not going to be doing anything too dangerous.” You slung your pack over your back went to Maria. She was standing off to the side with a sad smile on her face. Leaning in, you kissed her cheek._

_“Make sure this one doesn’t do anything too stupid,” You told her and she laughed._

_____________________________________________________

_Your arms were numb. It had been at least a couple of hours since the last time your feet had touched the ground. The air was stale and acrid. There was no windows and the doorway wasn’t visible from your current position. Frank had been right. Something had gone wrong, terribly wrong. The intelligence your unit had been given was wrong. You should have never taken the position as specialized unit’s medic. The simple mission, it had left your squad mates dead. A simple mission had gone to utter shit and now you were strung up and bleeding. The men around you were speaking a language you could catch a few words of but didn’t completely understand. A knife was pressed to your bare belly and you didn’t have the energy to flinch away. Maria, what would she be doing right now? Laundry? Cooking lunch or dinner? Maybe taking a walk through the park? What would you give to have to eat some of her cooking?_

_“Where is the rest of your squad located?” One of the men asked, voice heavily accented. Rolling your head back, you looked at the cracks in the ceiling._

_“Six feet under considering that the entirety of my squad was with me when I was captured.” You told him. A strike the knife left you gasping. Blood ran down your bruised torso. The man’s face was filled with fury. Fortunately you could take a fair amount of abuse. It was nothing new. This didn’t even rival some of the beatings your own father could dish out back in the day._

_“No your unit was too small,” He told her. Looking at him, you pursed your lips in a thin line. It was time to make a choice. You thought of Frank and his big smile and crooked nose. You thought of Maria and her soft laugh. You thought of the love you felt when you were near them and took a deep breath._

_“I don’t know what you want me to tell you,” You stated and kept the tremble out of your voice, “I’m just a medic.” What came next was series of punches against already broken ribs. When the fire under skin stopped burning you opened your eyes and narrowed them._

_“You will die here,” The man stated and twirled the knife, an odd tick. A bloody smile crossed your face and you spat the blood in your mouth to the ground._

_“I know,”_

_It turned out that they didn’t plan on killing you that or next or even the day after that.   It had to have been more than a month now. The problem it seemed was that they thought you had information that you absolutely did not. Dragged out of your small cell you gazed at the halls. By now you had the route memorized. Two rights and then a left and you would be strung up, beaten senseless, and then returned to your cell. They had recently gotten creative. The starvation wasn’t too bad. Nor was the drowning if you were being honest. It was the lack of sleep that was starting to get to you. It was the lack of sunlight. Today was particularly bad. Right. Right. Left. The rattle of chains. The unnerving feeling of being lifted off the ground. Then you were met with silence. Opening your eyes you leveled the man you had become rather well acquainted with a cold stare._

_“Getting’ bored?” You asked. He said nothing and looked at you. Today there was no knife in his hand. There was no other instrument that he could cut you open with either. That meant one of two things. It would either be his hands or something far less pleasant._

_“I just find it interesting that you have lasted as long as you have. Whether you tell us the information or not does not change the outcome of what happens here.” The man walked over to the table at the far end of the room and picked up a blowtorch.  Letting out the bitter breath you had been holding in, you adjusted and gripped the chains above the manacles.  The sound of the gas being flicked on and ignited sounded like a bomb going off. It smelled._

_“Well I’m nothing if not stubborn.” The man approached you and put a steadying hand on your hip, hands strangely gentle. Panicked breath left your body as he leaned in._

_“True, but we’ve reached the end of the line.” Those cold eyes studied you and you knew that this time it was true. Steadying yourself, you looked the man in the eyes._

_“Well let’s get on with it then. It’s rude to lead a girl on,” You pursed your lips and looked at the wall with words of goodbye stuck at the back of your throat. When the flame licked at your skin you didn’t bother to hold back the screams._

_Everything fucking hurt. The man tipped your chin up and you met his gaze. The subtle respect you saw there was surprising._

_“Would you prefer a knife or gun?” He asked and you choked. It was the first real choice you’d had in a month and the freedom of it was a bitter pill to swallow._

_“I think I’ll take the gun,” You choked out and let your eyes close. There were familiar sounds. The sound of a magazine being inserted. The sound of the slide being pulled back. A bullet entering the chamber. The sound of gunfire…the screams of men screaming. Opening your eyes you saw that the man was standing at the door pistol raised before he glanced at you. Please, you thought, be stupid. It turns out the man was a lot dumber than you originally thought. Walking towards you, he pressed the gun to your stomach. Clearly he was intent on taking you hostage. When the door opened and the end of a rifle appeared he glanced away._

_“You move, she dies!” He called out and turned his body towards the door. Snarling you lifted yourself up and wrapped your legs around his neck. The gun dropped from his hands and you squeezed. Hands ripped at your thighs, trying to loosen your grip._

_“Or you will,” You stated. The soldier on the other side of the doorway entered the room. Twisting your hips you snapped your torturer’s neck and let him slide to the ground. The soldier was watching you with something like awe and grabbed the keys. When he got to you, he assessed where would be the best to grab you. His eyes and hair were dark. The uniform he wore was that of the Marines. Gripping your hips he lifted you gently to alleviate some of the pressure and unlocked the first manacle. Slumping forwards you rested against his body as he repeated the action with your other hand._

_“I got ya,” He said and carried you out the door. You breathed in the smell of him. Sand and sweat._

_“Castle I got her,” The soldier who rescued you stated as you entered the main room. It was impossible but you lifted you head. Frank fucking Castle stood less than three feet from you. Reaching out, you made a noise at the back of your throat. The gun in his hand hit the floor and you were gently removed from the other soldier’s arms._

_“Curtis!” Frank yelled frantically, “Curtis get in here!” You reached up and traced your fingers over the tip of his nose and jaw._

_“Hi,” You smiled. There were a number of things you wanted to say. There were things you should have been embarrassed about. The fact that you were nearly naked and completely broken in a room full of Marines was one of them. But you were safe, Frank was here. It was laughable really that his unit was the one who found you._

_“Hi,” He answered and wiped tears away with his free hand. A man you assumed was Curtis entered the room and you saw that he was a corpsman. You were injured, right. Everything was just kind of numb at this point._

_“None of that,” You murmured and offered a small smile as you were eased to the ground. What came next was a blur. You were sure that Curtis got you comfortable and stable. You were sure that there was a helicopter ride. You were sure that you heard Frank whispering soft words in your ear._

_____________________________________________________

_Frank was next to your bed when you woke up, dead asleep. Smiling fondly, you tried to sit up. Instead you fell back against the pillows and let out a grunt. Frank was startled out of sleep and looked around before his gaze settled on you. The warmth of his eyes settled over you._

_“I feel like shit,” You told him and let out a shaky breath. Snorting, he got a hand under your head and the other under your thighs to help you sit up. The dryness of your throat was clearly apparent because he handed you a glass of water. You murmured your thanks and chugged it._

_“Easy there birdy,” His voice was low and gentle; “You aren’t exactly in the best shape right now.” The burns were still fresh enough to sting and your ribs ached but overall you felt great. It was then that the soldier who’d gotten you out of the room that day entered your temporary abode._

_“Frank-” He paused when he saw you sitting upright. Now that you weren’t delirious from a culmination of awful things you could see that he had an angular face with high cheek bones. The shape of his mouth was full and he had dark and wickedly intelligent eyes. Without thinking you blurted out the first thing that came to mind._

_“Well you’re the prettiest thing I’ve seen in a month,” Immediately you grimaced and Frank burst into laughter. Now that you really thought about it, there was the haze of morphine at the back of you consciousness. Drugs always made you irreverent and chatty. “Sorry,” You said to the soldier at the door. The whole time Frank was laughing before the other soldier gave a small chuckle._

_“It’s an honor ma’am.” He extended his hand and you took it in your own, “Billy Russo,” Even his name sounded nice. Frank had mentioned him more than once, he had your best friend’s back. There was a tick before Frank cleared his throat and ran his fingers through your hair._

_“Well corpsman, it is my absolute pleasure to inform you that you will be going home as soon as you’re fit to fly.” Frank had that soft sound to his voice but his eyes were trembling with rage. Not at you, never at you. Reaching out you patted his cheek, fingers lingering. Don’t be angry, the action reminded him, I am safe._

_“Franky, I can honestly say that day can’t come soon enough.” It was unspoken, how scared you were. The wounds might be healing but it wasn’t like you were actually okay.  “When do you get to come home?” When will you come back so I can feel safe again? The two of you had a way of communicating without words, something that Billy seemed to pick up on immediately._

_“Eh, we will be done within the next couple of months. Maybe sooner.” Billy told you and smiled gently. “Turns out the three of us are from the same area. Might even see you when we get back.” You appreciated that he was making the situation a little less grim, tense._

_“Well, I figure that I owe you a drink considering that you gave me the opening to kill that fucker.” You adjusted your position and looked Billy dead in the eyes, “Thank you, I mean it.” He shrugged._

_“Let’s just get you home, then you can buy me a drink.”_

_____________________________________________________

_The flight home felt like an eternity. You didn’t like that Frank was still in the desert but you felt better now that you could put a face to the name Billy Russo. You were under the distinct impression that the two of them were close, that was good. When the plane touched down and you walked from the plane, through the airport, and into the lobby you took a series of deep breaths. Maria saw you before you saw her. The sound of her heels clicking on the stone floor alerted you to her presence. Arms wrapped around you and you tucked your head into her neck. Peaches and honey. Home. She still smelled the same and you gripped your arms around her tightly. Both of you cried, right there in the middle of the airport. It had to have been a funny sight. You couldn’t give a damn._

_“You look good!” You clutched her cheeks between your hands and she smiled so brightly it hurt._

_“Not so bad yourself,” She chuckled, “Frank made it sound like you were coming back looking like a corpse.” Leave it to Frank not spare any details of what had happed. “Now what do you want to do tonight?” She asked you._

_“Honestly, I just want to go home and have a bottle of wine and a hot bath.” You slung your pack over your back and walked out into the cool New York air. It still smelled the same. Like a ruthless combination of gasoline and snow._

_“That sounds perfect,”_

_That night you ate greasy pizza and drank an entire bottle of wine. Maria helped you in the bath and you had never loved her more than when she didn’t stare at the scars marring your body. Even you couldn’t look at them. Maria washed your hair, nails dragging your scalp._

_“So I have something I need to tell you but you can’t tell Frank that I did.” She rinsed out the conditioner whilst shielding your eyes. Honestly that made you nervous. Frank could read you like a cheap book._

_“Okay,” You answered. Ride or die, you would support her._

_“Well, Frank got some leave two months ago.” You remember telling him to go have fun, take his wife on a date, “We’re pregnant,” Maria blurted out. Head whipping around, you looked at her face. She was trying rather poorly to hide the grin on her face._

_“That son of a bitch,” You breathed out. Naked as the day you born , you wrapped your arms around her and kissed her cheek. Water soaked through her shirt and Maria laughed loudly. “Congratulations Maria,” You told her. Maybe things were meant to be this way._

_A month later Frank got home with Billy Russo hot on his heels. When he announced that Maria was pregnant, you tried to conceal the fact that you already knew. Son of a bitch saw right through it and scowled the entire night. At least Billy was surprised._

_____________________________________________________

            “Okay,” You murmured and cut straight through Frank’s shirt. There was a solid eight inch gash from belly button to the middle of his torso. Accompanying that were a number of nasty looking bruises. “You tell me that you’re alive by breaking into my house and bleeding on my brand new god damn white sofa. Really Frank?” You gritted your teeth. There was nothing broken or puncture from what you could tell. Reaching into the medical kit you kept, you set up a line between the two of you. Along with everything else you to shared, Frank had the same blood type. Next came the morphine and lidocaine. Threading the needle through his wound, you stitched it shut with practiced fingers.

            “Didn’t want to put you in danger,” He murmured softly and you gripped his chin tightly. Looking him in the eye, you growled.

            “Don’t you fucking dare,” You told him. At this point the two of you were soaked in blood, him more than you. The air felt heavy with the tension of words that needed to be said and the state his body was in. You didn’t care how he got here. You didn’t care how he was alive. You just cared that he was safe and in your living room.

            After you had cleaned up the living room and given him as much blood as you could manage, you stumbled into the kitchen. Food and water, you needed to get both of your blood sugars up and keep him hydrated. Soup would be the easiest but you settled on grilled cheese. The sound of him shuffling into the room was almost startling. The thoughts in your head were too loud. Turning, you saw him standing there shirtless watching you.

            “Were you ever going to tell me you were alive?” You clinched your jaw and helped him settle on top of the bar stool. You already knew the answer.

            “No,” He was different now, all the humor and softness was gone. In its place was a stone cold expression and an unbreakable rage. Angrily you turned away and settled a plate of food in front of him and a glass of orange juice.

            “Eat,” You ordered, “Then I am getting you into the shower and after that you are going to sleep for no less than eight hours. Am I clear?” Frank nodded and took a bite of his grilled cheese, closing his eyes.

            “Am I clear?” You repeat desperate to hear his voice.

            “Yes ma’am,”

___________________________________________________

            Getting him into the shower, you left him alone. Settling into bed you brought your knees to your chest and sobbed. Not because you were sad. Relief was washing over you. The phone beside your bed rang and you froze. Billy’s name showed up on caller ID and you answered.

            “Hello,” You answered and somehow managed to keep the tremble out of your voice.

            “Why do you sound upset,” Damn it Billy. Pausing for a mere second, you cleared your throat.

            “Just had a bit too much to drink that’s all,” It wasn’t like your drinking habit was bad but it was significant enough that the excuse was believable.

            “Do you need me to come over?” He asked and in the background you could hear him set down a glass of what was likely his own liquor. Sighing you looked out the window. You knew he would love to see Frank too but you wouldn’t risk it. Never again would you ever risk something that might put Frank in danger. It was clear who had been shooting up the gangs now.

            “No, I just need to be alone tonight Billy. I’ll call you in the morning, have a good night.” You  hung up the phone and set it on the bed.

            “You and Billy huh,” Frank said from the doorway. He leaned against the frame, arms crossed. It was so familiar, like no time at all had passed. You smiled bitterly.

            “Not really,” You told him as he stepped into the room. “Just when I’m feeling shitty and he’s feeling self-deprecating,” You didn’t tell him that his other best friend had fallen in love with you. You didn’t tell him that you used Billy just to feel some nights.

            “Well I believe you ordered me to get some sleep,” He said softly and his voice sounded incredibly raw, like he had swallowed an entire pack of razors. “You want me in the guest room or here?” Did he even need to ask? Flipping back the covers you took his hand and helped him ease down onto the mattress. Muscles taught, he seemed unsure of how to respond to your touch. Whether to flinch away or lean into it.

            “Just let me hold you,” You pleaded and guided him to lie against your chest. The softest of breaths tickled your skin. One of his hands was under your back and the other gripped your shoulder. Lightly you carded your fingers through his short hair.  He said nothing but his hands trembled and his body shook with silent sobs. You just held him tight. Never intending to let go. “I got you.” You spoke softly as his grip tightened. I’ve got you and not a damn thing could take you from me, you thought.

            Frank fell asleep on your chest, breathing slow and even. The smell of him was in your nose, it hadn’t changed. It was impossible to move. The trap of his arms was tight and sure. Sleep was evasive though. Memories of a happier time tried to fight past the trauma. Glancing at the clock you saw the number 4:05 on the face and sighed. There was no point in bothering to go to work. You wouldn’t be able to focus and that wouldn’t benefit anyone. Grabbing the phone you dialed the number for your boss and hummed when she picked up.

            “Hey,” You murmured quietly and cleared your throat, “I’m not feeling to great, food poisoning I think. You gonna be good if I don’t show up today.” You had never missed a day of work so your boss let you off easy. She wished you well and hung up. Frank nuzzled against your neck and hummed low in his throat.

            “Food poisoning huh?” He questioned sleepily. Sliding lower into the bed, you shushed him softly and went back to stroking his hair.

            “I said eight hours,” He chuckled softly and your heart broke. Behind that pain was still your best friend. Quietly he adjusted his hold on you, cradling you frame against his. Frank was always affectionate. It had raised some eyebrows from your unit, including Billy. You had assured them that Frank was nothing more than your best friend and work-husband. It was hugs and friendly touches. And on the bad nights he would lay next to you. You would lie on your stomach, his hands tracing your spine. His head would be on the pillow next to yours, both of you speaking softly. You would run your hands over his hair, his nose. Tonight you lay on you back, eyes on the door. Watching his back. What hurt was that he was letting you. He was just that damn tired. That damn broken.  Anything that came through that door would be dead before they could blink. Nothing, absolutely nothing would take him from you.


	2. I Know My Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No way in hell,” You told Billy as he offered you the drink, it look like something akin to tar. “I am not getting drunk and going to a strip club.” It was clear that your little confession hadn’t been forgotten. Billy had a memory like an elephant. Maria was laughing and so was Frank. You were home on a quick leave before heading back to the desert. The three of you decided to have a nice night without Lisa who was at her grandparents’ house. It was rare for you all to have time just to be adults. With the kid, work, and life things could get out of sight real fast. To be honest you hadn’t wanted to come. You were tired, so damn tired. Everything felt like a damn chore.

"It's not a sin if it can't make me cry  
He's not the devil unless there's fire in his eyes   
It ain't the ghost if it don't speak in tongue  
It's not a victory 'till the battles been won

Nobody prays unless they lose a son  
Don't believe in God till a war's to be won  
I know of truth by the lies I've been told  
The biggest one is that we're not getting old

I know of sin by the things momma prayed  
I know of heaven by the line at it's gate  
Heard of a kingdom that's not far away  
Come drink the water if you want to be saved"

\- "Drink the Water", Justin Cross

_“No way in hell,” You told Billy as he offered you the drink, it look like something akin to tar. “I am not getting drunk and going to a strip club.” It was clear that your little confession hadn’t been forgotten. Billy had a memory like an elephant. Maria was laughing and so was Frank. You were home on a quick leave before heading back to the desert. The three of you decided to have a nice night without Lisa who was at her grandparents’ house. It was rare for you all to have time just to be adults. With the kid, work, and life things could get out of sight real fast. To be honest you hadn’t wanted to come. You were tired, so damn tired. Everything felt like a damn chore. Maria knew, she was smart. Didn’t say anything though. For that you were thankful._

_“It’s a rite of passage,” Billy insisted. At this point you eyebrows had crawled up your forehead and now rested at your hairline. Leaning back in your chair, you took the shot from Billy. Then you pointed at Maria who was six months pregnant with baby number two. The Castles refused to announce the gender to the godparents, you and Billy waited excitedly to find out._

_“I’ll go if Maria does,” You stated and glowered at Frank, daring him to say something. Rubbing a hand over her belly, she clinked her glass of water against your poison shot, a judas kiss. Open mouthed and gaping, you stared. Billy giggled like a maniac and then downed his shot. You followed close behind._

_“Don’t worry sweetie,” She leaned across the table and whispered in your ear, “Billy isn’t going to be watching anyone but you.” The liquid you had in your mouth nearly came out your nose._

_“Maria!” You gasped. Frank and Billy shared a look. You didn’t want to find out what it meant._

_An hour later you were walking slower than the other three. Maria was already doting on a tipsy Billy and had a steadying hand on Frank’s shoulder. Behind them you dragged your feet and sighed deeply. Deep in thought, you failed to notice as Frank dropped into step beside you and leaned against you. The weight of him against your side was comforting._

_“You don’t want to go just say the word, yeah?” He looked at you and his hand brushed against your shoulder. Looking ahead you studied Maria and Billy; the two of them spoke animatedly about something. The two were quite the pair. Extroverted and loud, capturing the attention of onlookers. You and Frank were the quiet ones, slinking through the late night shadows. New York at night seemed to come alive. There was always the bustle of people, the smell of diverse food, and the sight of neon lights. It was so easy to forget in a place like this._

_“Mhm, I’m good.” You leaned in tighter against him, “Just get nervous in enclose spaces you know?” The cool night air was sobering against the heat of the alcohol. Up ahead Billy and Maria stopped and turned to look at the two of you. There was a look that crossed Billy’s face for just a moment, hungry and unfocused. It wasn’t the first time you’d seen it either. You were shy and seeing something like that directed at you could be a little overwhelming. The thing was, it had also been directed at Frank. You never mentioned it, figuring that Billy wouldn’t appreciate it. But it had been there all the same. Frank was oblivious. Thank god._

_“Whose ready to go look at half-naked women who make more money in one night than I do in an entire month!” You stated and tried to seem excited. Billy snorted and pushed you through the front door to the club._

_Turns out it was not half as bad as you thought. But Billy and Frank were twice as insufferable as you expected. They two of them conspired and bought you a lap dance. Your face had never been redder. Now outside, Maria was laughing and suddenly a chuckle found its way out of your throat. This night was the most fun you’d had in years._

_“Maybe I’ll retire and learn how to pole dance,” You snickered, it honestly sounded like fun. Billy’s perked up at that. Frank snorted and got you in a head lock._

_“Let’s just survive this deployment first,” He spun you in a circle as you dug an elbow into his stomach. Laughing, he just pushed you forwards into Billy’s arms. “Call a cab, I think it’s time to call it quits for tonight,” He said and smiled at you. Silently you thanked him. Not just for playing around but for treating you the same after all these years._

_Getting out of the cab, you offered poor drunk Billy your hand. Exiting the vehicle he leaned against you. Despite the fact that the man was over a foot taller you bent over and got him in a fireman’s carry. The cab that carried Frank and Maria pulled up next door. You could hear Frank’s laughter as you unlocked the front door to your house. How ridiculous you must have looked. A man twice your size wrapped around your shoulders like an out of style accessory._

_“Night Frank, night Maria!” You called out cheerfully. The howl of Frank’s laughter followed you into the house as you deposited Billy on the sofa gently._

_“You carried me?” He said and sounded like a small offended child. Swiping his non-regulation hair out of his eyes, you nodded._

_“Yes I did,” He sighed softly and shuffled down deeper into the cushions, “Do you want any water, food?” You offered and went into the kitchen. Flicking on the light, you opened the fridge and peered inside. Something with bread would probably be best. Soak up the ridiculous amount of alcohol in his system._

_“Water…” He groaned and slumped over. As quietly as possible you made him a simple ham and cheese sandwich and poured a glass of ice water. Thinking quickly you also grabbed two ibuprofen._

_“Billy,” You said softly and put the pills in his hand, “Take these or you’ll have a nasty hangover.” Tipping his head he took the pills and swallowed them down._

_“Thanks babe,” He opened his eyes and smiled softly, “Did you have fun tonight?” That was what he wanted, for you to have fun._

_“Of course I did asshole, I was with you.” Settling onto the couch you flipped on the TV and pulled head into your lap. Reaching over the back of the couch you pulled down the fleece blanket and draped it over his ridiculously long legs. The tight dress you were wearing had ridden up exposing the stockings and garter belt you were wearing. Billy touched the edge of them with his long fingers._

_“This cannot be comfortable,” He stated. You chuckled and adjusted your dress so you could unhook them. Billy slid them down your legs with careful movements._

_“Better?” You questioned him. It was amusing how much your comfort seemed to matter to him._

_“Mhm,” he replied and you patted his cheek._

_“Wanna go to bed sleepy boy?” You asked and he shook his head. Sleepily he nuzzled in against your thigh. Laughing softly you went channel surfing and within a few minutes he was dead asleep._

Matt Murdock. You had seen the name multiple times in the past year. It was now coming up because you were staring down Ms. Reyes in an interrogation room. You had called a little over an hour ago, and now Matt Murdock stood in the room looking rather bored with Ms. Reyes. Honestly it was hilarious that even a blind man could see her bullshit. Annoyance radiated through every slight movement he made.

     “Ms. Reyes you need to give me the room please,” He spoke softly but his tone was authoritative. Fuming she gathered up the files on the table and stormed out of the room.

     “Thank you for getting here so quickly,” You said to him, “I take it that Mr. Nelson is around here somewhere?” Matt nodded and you stood offering a hand to help him find the chair across from yours.

     “You said this was about the recent shootings?” He asked cautiously. You leaned forward and tapped his hand tracing letters into his palm. Careful, you traced out. Smiling even though he couldn’t see it, you tried to put on an air of casual confidence.

     “I was the victim of a shooting a while back. The kitchen Irish, Mexican cartel, and the Dogs of hell were all involved. Killed two close friends and their children, left me wounded.” Franklin Nelson walked in the room. He had a round face and kind wide eyes. Immediately he picked up on the mood in the room.

     “So what, why are you being questioned in relation to the shootings. I thought the Punisher was responsible,” Matt stated, brow creasing. Smart, you thought. It was rare to find someone of intelligence who could pick up on tone and subtext. It could be that his blindness made him more sensitive to such things.

     “I’m not under arrest but Ms. Reyes is thinking that I could be directly involved because I have a reason to hate them and the training to deal with them. That and she’d love to see me crucified,” You explained. Being led out of work by six police officers had been humiliating. But you recognized it for what it was…Pressure and a calculated threat. “But she also knows that I have been working round the clock shifts at the hospital patching up the victims of these shootings.” Matt cocked his head to the side as if listening to something and Mr. Nelson settled into the other chair across from you.

     “Yeah, she is rather unpleasant. We’ve had some rather recent issues with her and one of our other clients.” Mr. Nelson explained, “Franklin, Foggy, Nelson nice to meet you,” He said you shook his hand. Sighing you wrung your hands out.

     “I just wanted to cover my legal bases,” You explained leaned over rummaging through your purse. You jotted down your number for the two of them. “Ms. Reyes may work for the judicial system but she is not justice. That woman likes to bend the rules and likes to be powerful. Watch yourselves around her,” You added. Frank was already gunning to find out that woman’s secrets. You were too, just quieter. Old contacts were digging, too slow in your opinion.

     When Reyes re-entered the room, Matt was on his feet. There was something cold about the way that he stood. Calm but ready to rip her to shreds.

     “Ms. Reyes,” Matt smiled tightly, “I am quite frankly at a loss of why you brought my client in for questioning. It seems to me that you have a comprehensive list of her whereabouts for the past month and a half as well as time codes from her home security systems. If she is a suspect, I would like you to explain how she has managed to be working during all of the shootings and carry them out at the same time?” The way Reyes’ jaw clenched and unclenched was fantastic to watch. Matt Murdock was the perfect combination of patronizing and bored.

     “You’re free to go,” She stated, “But know that we will have eyes on you,” You smirked as you gathered up your purse.

     “Thank you Ms. Reyes,” You stated and came to stand directly in front of her, staring up into her eyes. “I hope that whoever you’re chasing doesn’t bother looking too closely at you,” Without another word you waltzed out the door, your lawyers close on your heels.

     “Gentlemen, let me buy you a drink and write you check.” You said as soon as you were in the parking lot. Foggy smiled and patted your shoulder. It took you a moment to realize that you didn’t have your car and were also in your scrubs.

     “We will definitely take you up on that,” Foggy said and smiled, he was too sweet too open with his reactions. Matt was his perfect opposite, hard to read and quiet.

     “Awesome, hope one of you drove because my car is at the hospital.” That drew a surprised snort from Matt like he wasn’t expecting that.

     “Let’s go,” Without thinking you took Matt’s arm and guided him towards the car that Foggy was leading the three of you to. It surprised him, you could tell.

     “You’re intuitive,” He stated calmly. Humming you opened the passenger door for him.

     “I’m a doctor with a natural knack for reading people. You hesitated before taking a step. You were expecting Mr. Nelson to guide you. I took the initiative,” Your dog tags jingled as you slid into the back seat.

     “You served?” Foggy asked sounding surprised. That seemed to catch Matt’s attention as well.

     “Yes.” You buckled your seatbelt. Lawyers were a lot like therapists but better, less patronizing. Better if you were being completely honest. You liked these two; they were honest and earnest in the best possible way. It was refreshing.

     The bar they took you to was perfect, sitting down at the counter you settled in. The woman who was bartending smiled at Matt and Foggy. When she looked at you, she offered you the same.

     “What’re you drinkin’ honey?” She asked, “It’s on the house,” Oh, you must look as bad as you felt.

     “Tequila, top shelf. Their drinks are on me,” You told her and she snickered. Taking out your check book you wrote down a series of numbers and signed. Folding it over you handed it to Foggy. When he opened it up to look, he choked on his beer.

     “We can’t accept this,” He sputtered and Matt inclined his head. Downing your double, you smiled at Foggy.

     “Consider yourself on my pay roll,” You told him, “And don’t feel bad about taking my money. I’ve got too much of it. Dad left it to me when he kicked the bucket.” Foggy blinked. Matt seemed to be a little confused. “Five hundred thousand should cover a year’s worth of legal costs and some of the pro-bono work you two do right? It’ll be the first time that money has ever done anything good,” Money wasn’t something you were really worried about. You had come from money and once your father had passed you were left swimming in cash. It was just sitting across numerous accounts. Some of them untraceable.

     “Thank you,” Matt said so softly you almost did hear him. Laughing you ordered another shot. The two of them were good, too good for Hell’s kitchen. They had caught your interest and so you investigated. Matt was born and bred in Hell’s kitchen, coming from humble roots and tragedy. Foggy was much the same, modest upbringing but lacked the tragedy. They had done a lot of good for a lot of people. That was more than enough to earn your support.

     “I have a feeling we will be seeing quite a bit of each other with Reyes on the war path,” You told them and sighed. “She’s been gunning for me for a while now. But for now let’s just drink and enjoy the company,” Foggy held up his glass and clinked it against yours.

     “We should call Karen,” Foggy chuckled, “I have a feeling the two of you would get along dangerously well,”

     Turns out the two of you were like two peas in a pod. It was obvious that two men who worked with her didn’t see it, but she was a survivor and tough as nails. It was in her eyes. There was a fire there. Burning bright and wicked. But unlike you, she wasn’t hardened. Still carrying around a little bit of light that seemed to illuminate the room. But there was also very clearly a part of her that was screaming on the inside, just like you.

     “So why does Reyes think you would even remotely be involved in all of this?” Karen asked, her inquisitive eyes tracing your face. Closing your eyes, you leaned back in your seat. All of this was a fresh batch of hell formulated to bring the dead back to life to haunt you.

     “Reyes thinks I want revenge on the gangs for gunning down my family,” You told her simply, “But I spend every day at work recently patching those same idiots up. I patch them up and they go straight to her or back on the streets. She likes to claim that her system works but damn sometimes I doubt,” Frank was a master with a gun the only people who escaped his ire were the innocent. He was able to do what the system failed to.

     “At least you have some pretty secure job security.” Foggy joked and sipped on his beer. Well he wasn’t wrong.

     There was a battered pit bull sitting in your living room wagging his tail with a note from Frank on the counter. _Look after him,_ was written in choppy cursive _._ Good old Frank had a way with words. Bending down you patted the dog on the head after letting him smell your hand. It was clear that he had been a fighting dog. Poor thing had teeth and claw marks all over him.

     “Hello sweet boy,” You murmured and rubbed gentle hands over his extremities. “You look like hell warmed over,” There was a knock at the door then. Rising to your feet you cautiously swung it open to see Billy Russo standing on your step. Any other time you would have been happy to see him. But today you had a freshly patched up dog in the kitchen and smelled like booze. Drinking with Matt, Foggy, and Karen had been great. Maybe, just maybe you had a bit too much.

     “You got taken in for questioning by that Reyes woman and didn’t even think to call me?” Billy cocked a brow and entered your house. His eyebrows shot up even farther when he saw the dog hesitantly wagging his tail.

     “Billy meet Max,” You walked over to the dog and scratched his ear gently. You thought of the name on the fly. “He’s a rescue from a dog fighting ring that got busted. Poor baby needed a safe place to heal and my therapist told me that I should get a pet to help me cope,” You tried to rationalize the dog. Damnit Frank.

     “He seems to like you,” Billy observed. There was something off about the way that he just stood there.

     “Reyes, she was concerned about my involvement in the shootings.” Billy moved then, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your stomach. It was wrong. The feelings that should have been there just weren’t. In the same way that a part of Frank died in the park that day, so did you. It wasn’t that you didn’t care for Billy, hell you could even feign love, it was just that you didn’t. “My lawyers manage to convince her that it was in her best interest to just leave me alone.” Alone was good, safe even.

     “And is that what you want?” Billy murmured against your neck. “To be left alone?” This was the part of you that struggled to come to terms with. There were things your body wanted, like the feeling of being pressed against a wall and fucked. To be held and cherished. The emotional side of you however was dying inside; Billy deserved better. Turning around in his arms you looked up at him. Eyes searching yours he bent down to press a kiss to your lips. It was a barely there brush of his lips. It was vulnerable. That was the thing, he never demanded more than you were willing to give. Cupping his cheek with one hand you kissed him slowly, tracing your tongue against his. You still tasted the liquor on your breath. You were trying, begging him to just walk away. It would be kinder in the long run. That was the other thing, neither of you were particularly kind.

     The slide of your scrub top coming over your head was disorienting as he ran his hands over your stomach. Bending he pressed open mouthed kisses to the scars littering your torso. Gently you tugged his hair and tipped his head back. When he looked up at you, his gaze burned. Bending you kissed his forehead gently. You two were rarely gentle with one another. Those kind of moments were reserved for lovers. Tonight maybe you could give him that. Pulling him to stand, you eased him back onto the bed. Sliding your scrub bottoms and underwear down, you slid up his body. A kiss here, a gentle press of hands there.

     “Let me take care of you tonight Billy,” You murmured against his lips.

     Pulling down his pants, you ran your lips over his cock. Hands slipped into your hair and pulled you off him after a few moments. Laughing softly at the look on his face, you sat up in his lap. Bracing a hand on his chest you reached back with the other and guided him inside of you.

     “There you go,” He groaned as you slid down him. Legs shaking, you rolled your hips and rocked against him. Long fingers traced down your neck, over your breasts. Eyes closed you chased a feeling. When he rocked his hips up, it punched the breath out of you. Everything with Billy was always a cold fire, burning without pain. It caught you off guard, consumed you. As you drew closer to tipping over the edge, he sat up slightly. Wrapping an arm around you, he ran his tongue over your nipple before sucking a bruise into your skin above your breast. There was a hand on your hip gripping you tightly as you came. Billy followed right after. You felt dirty.

     Promptly at Nine-thirty Billy left your house. Walking into the kitchen, you were startled out of your thoughts when you saw Frank patting Max the dog on the head.

     “Jesus Frank,” You gasped, “Next time let me know you’re in my house at least,” There was a strange look on his face. You could guess why.

     “Feeling shitty today?” He questioned, using your own choice of words. Billy, he was upset about Billy. Pouring water into the kettle, you set it down and clicked on the stove. When you turned back, he was studying you.

     “No, but he needed it I think,” You answered him. Frank stood up, towering over you. There was one thing that you two had that had survived that day in the park. The ability to communicate through nothing other body language. Frank disapproved of what you were doing. As a matter of fact he was angry even. Patting his shoulder, you looked up at him and finally made eye contact. “I know Frank, I know.”

     “Do you?” He questioned and ran a hand over the back of his head, “Billy, Billy…I always told you almost everything yeah? But there were some secrets that weren’t mine to tell. He adores you, probably even loves you. An you’re just using him, like he means nothing!” There was a surprisingly nasty bite the words he used. Turning your back to him, you took a shudderingly deep breath.

     “Frank, can we please discuss something else?” You asked. It startled you when Frank gripped your bicep tightly and yanked you around.

     “I didn’t think you were capable of doing something so god damn selfish. You have a chance for something beautiful, something I’d give my left arm to feel again, and you are wasting it,” He growled out, it was that tone that was made out of sandpaper and grit. You met his gaze, raising your chin.

     “I can’t-”

     “Bullshit-”

     “I can’t Frank!” You yelled and tossed your hands into the air. “I fucking can’t. Ever since I saw you and Maria and Lisa and Frank Jr. get gunned down I can’t. There are just some things that aren’t the same anymore. It was like I lost a god damn limb and got left with some phantom pain. It left scars. My body healed, the rest didn’t. So I fucking can’t. There is only so much of me left to give to someone else, and I can’t-I refuse to lose that,” Frank reeled back a little, peering down his nose at you.

     “I’m going out,” He told you coldly and you shut your eyes, “This conversation isn’t over,” It never would be.

     “Be safe,” You murmured softly, “Please just be safe.”

     There was blood on the wall when you walked into the kitchen. Frank stood there with a black eye, swollen lip, and broken nose. Sighing, you shoved him onto the sofa. Gently clutching his face, you doctored him up the best you could. The blood wasn’t his, a small blessing.

     “I thought I told you to be safe,” You commented a little bitterly. That earned you a flick to the tip of your nose and a harsh look.

     “Lose the attitude sweetheart or let me patch myself up.” Glowering you pulled off your gloves and shoved the medical kit into his hands. This was the sixth time in five weeks you had to patch him up.

     “Fine,” You snapped, “Deal with it yourself!” Turning around you stormed into the kitchen and poured yourself a cup of coffee. Black and steaming hot. Just how you liked it. Digging through the drawer beside the stove you pulled out a pack of smokes and a lighter. Nasty old habit, but honestly you didn’t give a damn. It hurt. Everything hurt. You hadn’t been kidding when you told Frank that it was a phantom pain. There was a solid bone deep ache that shouldn’t be there. It was an infection. It was sepsis of the soul. You knew it wasn’t real. That didn’t mean it didn’t fucking make you want to scream.

     Kicking open the back door, you lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply. It burned your throat and made your nose itch. For a few moments you enjoyed some peace before Frank joined you. Long calloused fingers slipped the cigarette from your fingers and brought it to his lips. Glaring at him, you waited for him to speak.

     “Sometimes,” He spoke quietly and swallowed thickly, “Sometimes I forget that you were there,” There was that haunted look. Leaning against the side of the house you tipped your head back and watched the sky. It was the perfect day. Clear and surprisingly blue.

     “I watched it all Frank,” You spoke just as softly as him. It was like you were telling secrets and in a way you were. You two had never brought up that day before. “I watched you die. I watched them die,” He swallowed again and passed the cigarette back.

     “I forget because you’re still here. Cause I can reach out and touch you, smell you, hear you.” You looked at him and your gaze softened.

     “Believe me Frank, I wish it had been me instead of them.” For some reason that made him angry. Gripping your chin, he looked you dead in the eyes and spoke with his deep, gritty voice.

     “Don’t ever say that again.” He gritted out, “You hear me?” You met his gaze and nodded slightly. The two of you were hardly perfect but you had each other. Both of you were damaged and angry. And something had to change but some things neither of you could.

     It was late. Work had been hell and a half. You were walking to your car when you heard the sound of footsteps behind you. It was obvious that you were following you. When you got to your vehicle you reached into your purse as if grabbing your keys and flipped the safety off your gun. Whipping around you leveled the barrel of the gun at a tall and imposing man’s chest.

     “Take another step and I swear I will unload this entire clip into you. It had been a long time since you’d shot someone but the instinct was still there. There were more men, you realized, hearing at least three more pairs of steps surrounding you.

     “Put it down love,” The soft sound of an Irish accent echoed out through the night. The voice belonged to a man with vibrant copper hair and dancing eyes. The imposing man took another step forward and you took a deep breath and fired three rounds straight to his chest, grouped around the heart. He dropped and you turned managing to get the other men in you line of sight.

     “I swear to Christ I will unload this on you,” You snarled and didn’t even flinch when little red lasers appeared across your chest. They had Tasers. You had fourteen more shots and not enough chances. There was no way you were going to get lucky and shoot all of them before they shot you.

     “Be smart,” The man sneered and you studied him intently. It was clear that this man meant business. You knew why he was here, threatening you. Frank. They knew about Frank. “We can make this rather painless if you cooperate.” Taking aim you smirked, blaze of glory it seemed was a good way to go down. These men were dangerous but so were you.

     “No thanks,” You shot him in the shoulder and he reeled back, not dropping to the ground like you expected him too. Well shit. The first Taser and its barbs in you dead in the chest. Muscles tensing and convulsing you went to the ground with a heavy thud. Snarling you tried to move but another shockwave ran through you. The man you had shot bent down next to you and turned your head to the side. There was the sting of a needle and things started to get wonky.

     “Couldn’t make it easy could you love,”

     The air smelled like bleach and nail polish remover. It was acrid and burned your nose as you came to. The red headed man who you had shot was watching you closely.

     “I thought I might have sent you to the angels,” He said gruffly and scooted closer. You were tied to a chair, tightly. Every time you moved a new wave of nausea rocked you. There were two coffins near the doorway. He caught your gaze and pressed a finger to your cheek. “Focus right here darlin’.” Head lulling to the side you watched his pupils dilate. It was clear the man was a sadist and on something extra.

     “You won’t kill him,” You breathed heavily. That smell was really starting to invade your senses.

     “I won’t at least not before I have my money,” That startled a laugh out of you. This man was really that dumb. If Frank had the money it was because it made for exceptional bait, not because he needed it. It was clear that there had been a plan you weren’t privy to but now you just needed to hold out for Frank.

     “Good luck with that,” You told him. That made a grin split across his face. Turning he gestured for the man standing to the side to grab your shoulders.

     “You’re going to give me exactly what I want.” The man rolled up his sleeves. “Because you’re going to be all the leverage I need.” The backhand across your face came as a surprise. You expected a hit. Laughing, you met this foolish man’s eyes.

     “Is that it?” You chuckled. “I’ve had worse fooling around in bed!” Tensing you braced against the series of hits against your ribs. Damn that stung. When the punches stopped you felt him grip your face and yank your head up. Spitting in his face, you smiled. That’s right get distracted.

     They brought Frank in unconscious. You weren’t in the best shape but not the worst either. It was startling to see him look peaceful in such an awful place. Taking a breath you reminded yourself that he was probably right where he wanted to be. Frank never did anything without a reason. It stood to reason that you were a variable he never thought to take into account. The Irish man, Finn, was watching your face for some hint of a reaction.

     “Oh that’s rich,” He chuckled and looked between the two of you. “You love him, him?” You blinked and smiled. There was blood in your mouth. That too was familiar. You could endure.

     “Of course I do,” He wasn’t expecting that, “He’s my family. I’d die for him,” Finn grinned like Christmas had come early.

     “I’ll hold you to that love,”

     Frank’s beautiful eyes opened and immediately met yours. They turned stone cold instantly. Nodding your head, you braced your feet and kept your eyes forward. Finn watched this interaction with mild interest. It was clear that he intend to use you as leverage. It wouldn’t work.

     “Mr. Castle you have caused me a fair amount of grief wouldn’t you say?” Finn trilled in his accent that you were growing rather tired of. Frank snorted and looked the man up and down. That a boy, don’t let them see, you thought as you contorted your wrists. The bone in your hand boke and you grimaced slightly. The rope slid free. The men in the room weren’t focused on you but Frank saw it. You eased your posture in the chair letting your shoulders relax. Clasping your hands together, you waited. Finn beat Frank with the same ferocity that he had shown you. More so maybe.

     “You’re a stubborn one aren’t ya?” Finn snarled and turned to you. This is what you had been waiting for. That’s right asshole, you thought and prepared yourself for what was to come. The knife in the Irish man’s hand glinted in the low light.

     “Ready for more?” You taunted, doing the talking that Frank wasn’t. “Thought maybe you’d forgotten about me.” That earned you a rather vicious slash across the cheek. You kept your eyes on Frank, silently begging him to stay calm. The smell of blood filtered through the room. It mixed harshly with the bleach.

     “Couldn’t forget a pretty face like yours love,” Finn snarked and yanked your head back by your hair. The knife pressed against the line of your throat. Frank struggled in the chair. “How about I carve you up and see how pretty you are after.” Another slash, this time from your collarbone to your left breast. Then a slap to your face, just to add to the indignity.

     “Stop, just stop!” Frank called out. He was begging like a broken man, but Frank didn’t beg. Not for any man or woman. “You can have your money just leave her be,”

     “Now Mr. Castle was that so hard?” You couldn’t wait till his blood was staining the floor.

     Turns out his brains and blood were plastered to the wall instead. A shotgun blast to the face would do that to anyone. Frank was bleeding badly and your hands shook as they tried to staunch the bleeding. So many cuts, bruises, and gunshots. The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen was watching you.

     “Can you fight?” That voice sounded so damn familiar. Nodding you stood and pulled Frank to the corner. “No killing,” Tucking your body out of sight, you waited for the first man to come. Raising your foot up, you kicked the gun out of his hands and brought his face to meet your knee. Grabbing his discarded pistol you aimed at the door and fired into the kneecaps of the next man who came through the door nearest you. It was clear that Daredevil was a highly trained fighter, dispatching a number of men without breaking as much as a sweat. You were wounded and bleeding. Frank was on his feet as soon as the battle ended and you scrambled over to him to support his weight.

     “He needs medical attention,” You told the Devil, “I’m a doctor but I don’t have the right supplies, I don’t-” You were cut off by a gentle hand on your shoulder.

     “We’ll get him help,” The man behind the mask stated, “You can breathe,” The fact was you couldn’t. Fear, you were choking on fear.

     The graveyard seemed like an ironic place to rest. Leaning Frank back against a head stone you choked on blood. Apparently your beating hadn’t been as insignificant as you previously thought. The adrenaline and fear was the only thing keeping you upright. You settled next Frank. His pulse was frantic and worrisome.

     “Hey,” Frank breathed heavy as your vision blurred, “Not bad.” It was directed at Daredevil. Boys, you thought, too damn proud.

     “Thanks,” The Devil replied and his voice was surprisingly soft. Honestly if you weren’t bleeding internally, you would be having words with both of them.

     “Guess I was wrong,” Frank had that dumb smirk on his face. A glimpse of the before. Even with a mask on you could almost feel the Devil’s eyebrow raise.

     “About?” He questioned. Frank made a humorous noise, you didn’t know how through all that blood.

     “About you being a pussy,” You groaned and Frank made a noise that sounded like a laugh and it hurt to hear that sound. It hurt because you knew what was coming would be unbearable. The police would come. They would take him. And that was a pain you didn’t think you could endure.

     The two of them were sitting like old friends at a bar talking over drinks. The Devil was relaxed and somber as he listened to Frank speak. It was story you knew well, you had lived it too. You had been at the school that day, watching him cry as he held his daughter in his arms. You had been there when he read his daughter that rhyme. Lisa had been so little but so grown up. A spitting image of her mother. They shared both personality and looks. But she had been daddy’s girl. Everyone knew it.

     “Then it hit me, all of it yeah.” The last part of it was a whisper, an old scar tearing open again. “For the first time I felt how tired I was. You know I was just, tired you know? You ever been tired, Red?” The Devil nodded slightly and you could see a familiar expression on his face. Lips tight, eyes downcast.

     “Yeah,” Was his simple reply. That hurt too. So many people just so tired.

     “So you know, I just I couldn’t do nothin’ you know? All the things…I couldn’t take my wife to bed. Ball with the boy. Shit…I was too tired I couldn’t even drink a goddamn beer with my best friend, you know?” Franks hand brushed your forearm. It was his way of asking for comfort. You didn’t know how to give it to him. “But not her. My girl was up. See, she wanted me to, uh…She wanted me to tuck her in. She…She outgrew it, she knew it, but she didn’t care. She wanted it. She had that book. Her favorite book was out on her pillows. One batch, two batch, Penny and Dime. Yeah. I read her that book every night before this shit. I read it every single night, but, see, that was over now because daddy’s home now. She looked at me and she begged me, Red.” You trailed your hand weakly to his stomach the blood was flowing. Like a memory had opened the dam for the blood to flow past.

     “Frank,” You choked out and he shushed you gently, hand closing over yours. The Devil watched you, almost sadly.

     “She begged. I said, no. Daddy’s too tired see. But I’ll, I’ll read to you tomorrow night. I’ll read to you tomorrow night, I promise. Never think that…For her there was not gonna be any tomorrow, see. The last time I see her, I’d be holding her lifeless body in my arms. Meat was spilling out of her, Red. The place where her face used to be.” You remember the expression on his face as you lay bleeding atop his son. Trying to protect him. It had been useless, you had been powerless. The Devil hung his head low. In that moment he looked like the fallen angel he pretended to be. Somber and one of the masses. “I think I’m done, Red. I think I’m done,” And you cried into the night air. Sirens wailing, calling you.

     They carted you onto an ambulance. An officer had to forcibly removed your hand from Frank’s as they treated his wounds and strapped him down. Broken hearted you watched the doors to the bus close. It felt like the final nail in the coffin.

     “Make sure-” You choked on blood and spit, “Make sure they treat the wound…on his arm so it doesn’t get infected. And tell them that I say he has AB positive. I can donate blood and plasma, we are a match.” The EMT’s knew you. Your face was the one they saw when they brought victims and innocents and criminals to be saved. The man on your right injected something into the IV they had set up and your mind swam.

     “We’ll be to the hospital soon ma’am,” He told you, “Rest for now. There will be plenty of time to give orders later,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penny and Dime was one of my favorite episodes of a series ever. I hope I did it justice. 
> 
> Comments and feedback are always appreciated.


	3. War Is the Easy Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Get out!” You snarled at your father, glass of wine clutched tightly in your hand. At nineteen you were well trained, deadly. Home on leave, you felt like nothing. Nothing had changed. Nothing, not a damn thing. The room you spent so much time isolated in hadn’t been touched since you’d been gone. A picture of the before. The man who had given you life was still a piece of shit. And you, well you were still just a scared little girl waiting to get hit.

"Yes I do, I believe  
That one day I will be, where I was  
Right there, right next to you  
And it's hard, the days just seem so dark  
The moon, and the stars, are nothing without you  
Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?  
No words can explain, the way i’m missing you  
Deny this emptiness, this hole that i’m inside  
These tears, they tell their own story

You told me not to cry when you were gone  
But the feeling’s overwhelming, it's much too strong  
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you  
And make sure you’re alright  
I’ll take care of you,  
And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight"

\- "Lay Me Down", Sam Smith

_“Get out!” You snarled at your father, glass of wine clutched tightly in your hand. At nineteen you were well trained, deadly. Home on leave, you felt like nothing. Nothing had changed. Nothing, not a damn thing. The room you spent so much time isolated in hadn’t been touched since you’d been gone. A picture of the before. The man who had given you life was still a piece of shit. And you, well you were still just a scared little girl waiting to get hit._

_“You have dragged this family name through the mud,” He snapped and gripped the collar of your uniform, finger in your face. “You threw away the legacy of our name for what? That trash boy you met when you were little. I should have nipped your love for him at the bud,” His words dripped with venom. It took a matter of seconds before you slapped him across the face. Anger seeped from every fiber of you being._

_“Fuck you!” It felt good to say, “Don’t you dare talk about him like that! Frank Castle is twice the man you will ever be. You should be ashamed of yourself.” Your father stood clutching his cheek. Eyes wide with shock. Turning your back, you hefted your pack onto your back._

_“Don’t you turn your back on me.” His hands wrapped around your wrist, like a snare. Yanking away you frowned._

_“I’m not a child anymore Dad,” Every word out of your mouth felt like heaven, “I’m done. Do what you want but lose my number. If I ever hear from you again, you’ll regret it.”_

_One. Two. Three. Frank answered the door. There was a strange expression on his face as he studied your disheveled look._

_“Told my dad to fuck off,” You said simply, shoulders drooping. Frank had been the one to hold your hand when the abuse got to be too much. Frank had been the one to talk you into joining the military. It had been the best damn thing for you. Chuckling, he waved you inside. Maria was at the kitchen table, when she saw you she stood. Gathering her bag, she made her way to the door._

_“Goodnight Frank,” She spoke softly, “I’ll talk to you two tomorrow,” The two of them had been together for a while now. She rubbed your arm on the way by, reassuring you. Frank kissed her cheek. You smiled, they were sweet._

_“Wanna get drunk?” He snickered. Rolling your eyes you climbed on top of the counter and opened the liquor cabinet. For some reason he kept the good stuff well out of your reach. Personally you thought he liked to watch you struggle._

_“What do you think?” You tossed him the bottle of whiskey and grabbed your own bottle of tequila. There was a pause before he tossed the top onto the table. Grinning he chuckled and took a long swig. It was a good night to be alive._

_The two of you were sitting on the fire escape wrapped in blankets. Your back rested against the brick wall and your head sat against Frank’s shoulder. He smelled like gun powder and whiskey, perfect combination._

_“You’re my soulmate,” He told you pointedly. Frank always got chatty with you with a little liquor in him. “You know that right?” Incredulously you peered through your tequila haze at him. In the shadows of the night he looked perfect. Shrouded in darkness but face alight. Despite being shy and introverted he had a side to him that was just so exuberant._

_“Really?” He nodded his head as if he could hardly understand why you were doubting him, “What about Maria?” That made him laugh._

_“No, you aren’t understanding me,” He tapped your thigh and you passed him the shared cigarette, “Maria is the love of my life, she makes me happy. Maria makes me feel those butterflies and shit. You, you just get it. I don’t have to tell you things, you just get it. Never in my life have I had to explain why I did somethin’ or feel something to you. I could have just murdered someone and you’d be there, ready to bury the body. No questions. That’s the difference. I have to try with Maria, you there’s no questions. You are undeniably the other half of me,” Frank told you, the smile on his face bright and sure. You leaned in and kissed his cheek._

_“Geeze Franky,” You took another shot and glanced at him, “You sure know how to make a girl feel special. I guess being your soulmate wouldn’t be so bad.”_

     “You need to leave,”

     “There are questions that need to be answered Mr. Murdock,”

     “And they can wait until she is off narcotics and in a sound state of mind. Until then you can berate me all you want but you are not talking to her,” Matt had his voice raised. It was then, during those drug addled moments when you made the connections. A blind man was the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, how funny. The door slammed and you saw Matt’s handsome face watching you. Free of his glasses, unfocused eyes were wandering over your motionless form.

     “Thank you,” You murmured, “Thank you Mr. Murdock,” It was the only thanks you could give him at the moment. It wasn’t nearly enough. It seemed that he was able to read the subtext of the situation, face softening.

     “You’re welcome,” He told you, “I’d do it again in a second,” No one else in the room realized that there was some added history they didn’t know about. And the thing was that Matt didn’t understand what he did. Didn’t understand the weight of the situation.

     “Mr. Murdock-”

     “I think Matt will work just fine at this point,” He had a point. The two of you had fought together. That in your mind had made him an ally, your kin.

     “Matt, he is everything to me.” You told him and spoke softly, “Without you, he would be dead.” It hadn’t taken long to realize that had been the plan all along. You had just thrown a wrench in that. For the first time in a month you cried. It was that bone deep phantom pain. It was back with a vengeance. Through the drugs, through the cloud of depression it hurt. It hurt so damn much.

     It was two days after the incident before you had to stare down Reyes from your hospital bed. The snake had slithered in while Matt and Foggy talked to Frank.  

     “Did you know he was alive?” She asked. Rolling your eyes you sat up in bed.

     “I want my lawyers here before I answer any of your damn questions,” You told her coldly and looked at the wall. If Reyes wanted to play the underhanded bitch you’d be an outright one. Make your life hard and you’d make hers hell.

     “They aren’t going to be able to save you when this shit storm blows on you.” There was that arrogance, hubris. Luckily for you Icarus was going hit the sun soon enough.

     “Make sure you stand far enough away Ms. Reyes; I’d hate for you to get any on your shoes.” You barred your teeth like a feral animal. Round one. Matt swung open the door, cane tapping the ground. Mouth pressed into a thin line. It was funny how much he disliked Reyes. Then again she did represent everything bad about the justice system.

     “Really Ms. Reyes, really?”

     The blind man held you as you wept. Your face pressed tightly against his shoulder. Karen stood off to the side. Note pad in hand.

     “I knew,” You told them softly, “I knew. But you gotta understand Frank, he didn’t come home to me. He died that day in the park. If you have questions ask them Ms. Page.” Karen was biting her bottom lip. You knew they had talked to Frank, convinced him to take their legal counsel.

     “If Reyes finds out she is going to charge you as an accomplice.” Foggy ran a hand through his thick hair and sighed. No one wanted to say that you had been complicit, that you could have stopped the murders. Honestly you didn’t give a damn.

     “What did Frank say?” You sputtered. Religion and faith had never been important. But sometimes there were things you prayed for. Like peace of mind and patience, wisdom. The past few days your prayers had been for God to be kind, not to you, but to Frank. 

     “He won’t throw you under the bus,” Karen murmured, her eyes had been rimmed in red for hours. “As far the world is concerned the Irish managed to identify him and target you. And you were just a blind victim in all of this.” Matt held up his hand and silenced her. There was now an unspoken truth between the two of you. Daredevil and Matt Murdock were the same person. And you now owed him a debt you could never repay.

     “Frank…has decided to take this to trial.” The ache in your chest grew with anxiety. That was no surprise considering that Reyes had come in snarling like a rabid dog trying to force a confession out of you. “What we need now are character witnesses, people who knew him from before. People to help the case,” It was explained simply. They were going to kill Frank. Heart pounding in your ears you pondered for a moment.

     “Ray Schoonover, he was are C.O. during our service days. That man owes Frank his life and career. That’s who you want if you need someone decorated. You don’t even have to ask, I am taking the stand.” Looking out the window and taking a deep breath you looked Foggy in the eye. “The last person is William Russo, Frank’s closest friend other than me. Though you should probably let me handle that first conversation. I have a feeling he isn’t feeling too generous with me right now,” That was probably an understatement. It was his one downfall, Billy felt emotions too much. And finding out Frank was alive this entire time would upset him.

     “Is that the attractive looking gentleman who’s threatened half the police force at this point to get to you?” Foggy asked experatedly. That startled a laugh out of you.

     “Most likely,”

     “God help us,”

     Billy swung open the door the second after you rang the bell. Wearing nothing but sweat pants, he looked you over. There was unadulterated anger in his eyes, vicious and unrestrained

     “Hey,” You spoke softly, trying to avoid his gaze. Gripping your wrist, he yanked you inside. There was barely time for a breath before he had you backed against the wall. Forearm pressed against you sternum. It was an aggressive move.

     “Did you know?” He shook your shoulder violently when you tried to slink back as if the shadows could hide you. It wouldn’t and didn’t work. The shadows had always belonged to him. “Did. You. Know?” He growled at you. Placing a hand on his chest, you stood a little straighter.

     “No,” You spoke quiet and even, “I didn’t,” For a moment he just looked at you. The injuries from Finn had yet to heal and the fresh set of bruises were just barely starting to yellow.

     “Why didn’t he just ask for help?” Billy sounded broken and hurt. “I would have, no questions asked. Cupping his cheeks, you kissed his brow.

     “It would have ended the same way regardless. The universe set Frank on a collision course with destiny.” It would have come to this regardless of who was at Frank’s side.

     “Well looks like the universe bet on the wrong pony,” Grunting you moved away from the wall.

     “They need a character witness Billy. You can tell his story from an objective point of view.” The caught his attention. The two of them had always been close. There were precious few who knew and loved Frank. And no one left alive who loved him as much as you. If anyone did, Billy came in a close second.

     “Where ever you need me, I’ll be there.” Lies, your life was a lie.

     The bottle of tequila lay empty on your pillow. The haze in your mind was a welcome distraction. Stumbling into the kitchen, you swung open the door of the fridge. It was nearly empty. Something prickled at the back of your neck. Someone who shouldn’t be there was in your house. Rolling your shoulders you stood a little straighter and turned. It was Daredevil. Sighing, you shut the door to the fridge.

     “Really?” You uttered, “Unbelivable,” That got you a chuckle. The Devil moved into the space. For someone who managed to appear meek in his every day life, Matt Murdock was actually a fucking wall of muscle.

     “Is there a reason you are drunk at nine o’clock on a Wednesday?” He asked and slipped quietly farther into the room. Rolling your eyes, you approached him.

     “Well I am in the middle of a very stressful trial at the moment. I’m medicating.” Ugh, everything about the situation was horrible. Nothing was going your way at that moment.

     “You have to testify tomorrow,” Oh so that’s why he was here. Matt had been absent minded or just absent during the trial’s preparation. Foggy had been carrying the team.

     “Believe me that is something I am painfully aware of,” You muttered and Matt pulled off the mask. There was no point in hiding his face, you already knew. It was still surprising.

     “You need to be on your game tomorrow. Frank is going to be testifying right after you. Mr. Russo painted a pretty picture of Frank, but you’re going to be the deciding factor.” Foggy had told you much the same earlier that evening.

     “You don’t need to worry,” You told him a little sadly, “I can make them believe. I can make them understand what happened to him that day,” Matt rubbed you shoulder. If the two of you didn’t hold such heavy burdens you might even consider him a friend. Wouldn’t that be nice.

     “Just wanted to make sure you were safe,” He spoke with such empathy that you had to close your eyes and breathe. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

     “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole, and nothing but the truth?” The truth was what had landed you here. Nodding your head you answered.

     “I do,” Taking your seat, you looked at the American flag at the back of the room. Frank sat next to Matt, Foggy, and Karen. The majority of the bruises that littered his body were healed. You looked much the same. There was still the nasty cut on your cheek that Finn had graced you with. It was going to scar. Franklin and Murdock had already done their questioning. Now after a short recess it was Reyes’ turn. Matt and Foggy had done a damn good job setting you up as a decorated soldier, a loving god-mother, and doctor. It was, according to your lawyers, Reyes’ time to destroy that. As the last witness before Frank, you were the most important.

     Reyes strolled onto the floor; there was a virulent glint to her eyes. Rolling your shoulders, you sat up straighter. The navy dress blues you wore felt wrong on your body.

     “How long have you known Mr. Castle?” She asked and came to stand before you. From your raised position it was easier to look down at her. If the woman wanted to be the hand of “justice” then you would be truth.

     “From the time I was six,” You answered concisely, “We met in school.” You could picture him with his toothy smile and loud laugh. It had been all pigtails and mud pies back then.

     “Would you say that you and Mr. Castle had a normal friendship?” It was easy to see where the line of questions was going. Leaning back in your chair, you stared the woman down.

     “No, we were extremely close.” Reyes clapped her hands together and advanced slowly. Like a viper figuring out how to strike.

     “And were you close with Mrs. Castle?” The way Reyes spoke struck a nerve, the disrespect. How hard was it to say her damn name.

     “Maria, Ms. Reyes, her name was Maria. And yes we were close. After I retired she helped me reintegrate into society. We raised her children together while Frank was away. She shared a bed with me for months,” You missed her so much right now it was crippling. Maria would have known what to say.

     “And she didn’t mind your relationship with Mr. Castle?” Whoop there it is, you thought. There was a series of events that Reyes thought were going to play out. She assumed that Maria didn’t like you, didn’t like your relationship with her husband. Reyes was likely also weighing whether not she could get you to admit to having feelings for Frank.

     “No, Maria didn’t care about it. Frank made it clear pretty early on that the two of us are a package deal. There has never been a place on this earth that I wouldn’t and didn’t follow him to,” You feigned ignorance to the context of the question.

     “Allow me to rephrase,” Reyes spoke coldly and stepped in front of Frank. “Did Mrs. Castle care that you were in love with her husband?” Frank’s jaw clenched so tightly you thought he might actually vaulting the table. That would have been a funny sight.

     “If you are asking me whether or not she had a problem with me loving Frank, the answer is no. Ms. Reyes I have put up with a lot from you. Including over a year’s worth of harassment. You have berated, demoralized, and humiliated me. I’m a big girl, I can handle that. But don’t you dare try and undermine or diminish Frank Castle’s love for his wife by painting me as the dirty mistress who lived next door.” You watched her face pinch tightly. Good, you thought, try and back me into a corner.

     “The bottom line-”

     “The bottom line Ms. Reyes is that I will always love Frank Castle. But I am not in love with him. There is a difference Ms. Reyes, please learn it.” The judge shot you a nasty look for that little comment.

     “Permission to treat the witness as hostile,” Reyes asked.

     “Granted,”

     “Did you know that Frank Castle was alive and planning on going on a shooting spree?” Smiling ruefully you looked right at Frank. There was a curious expression on his face.

     “No, Ms. Reyes I did not. But you did,” That caused the courtroom to burst into a roar of whispers. That had Frank moving forwards in his seat. The look he was giving you was chilling to say the least. It didn’t matter anymore, if it saved his life you would take the punishment. Had she really not expected you to go there? There was only so many cards in your hand and that had been your ace. It was her own fault for asking leading questions. Opening and closing her mouth a number of times, Reyes seemed to be looking for a way not to incriminate herself. “Considering I was shot with a police issue rifle, and that Frank Castle was pronounced dead before his time is damn tragedy. Mark my words someone is covering their ass, and I pray to god it isn’t you.” The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Frank was looking at you, a little betrayed. You had never told him about the bullet that had been inside of you.

     “No further questions Your Honor,”

     They took Frank out of the room kicking and screaming. It took a minute for you to realize but just like with Finn, he was exactly where he wanted to be. It didn’t stop you from crying out for him. You were never going to touch him again. You would never smell the scent of his soap or the sound of his voice. But he was where he wanted to be and you had to make peace with that. Foggy was gently trying to maneuver you out of the courtroom when it happened. Reyes’ hand wrapped tightly around your wrist.

     “You had better be careful,” She uttered lowly. This was a game of chess and all she had left was pawns.

     “Ms. Reyes, I thought I made myself clear. It would be damn shame if someone found out that you were in fact involved in the slaughter of decorated marine’s family. Because who do you think is going to care about the why or the how? I would suggest making your peace with how this turned out. You got him didn’t you? Take your victories where you can,” Without another word you turned on your heel and left.

     One, two, three. You punched in quick succession. There was sweat running from your brow as you worked. Angry. You were angry. And for the first time since that day in the park, you let it out.

     “Is there a reason you’re in a room screaming at a punching bag?” Billy asked, tucked away in the frame of the door. With one last hard punch you sent the bag off its facets. You weren’t just human morphine, you hit like a freight train too.

     “I am not in the mood right now,” You told him and grabbed the towel from your bag. Wiping your face, you turned to look at Billy. “All I want is to be left alone,”

     “Well I am not so sure that’s a good idea given everything that’s happened.” He had a point if you were being honest. It was petty but you didn’t care, you rolled your eyes and turned away. It was always like this. Billy came into your life like a wrecking ball and you just fought him. Every step of the way. The exhaustion was back, like how it was when you first got back to civilian life. It made you feel old, out of place.

     “Billy I am asking you to leave me the hell alone,” There was too much anger inside of you at the moment. The last thing you needed was to take it out on your only other friend. The muscles of your shoulders ached and adrenaline was coursing through your veins like a wild fire. All it took was a hand on your shoulder, before you turned and took a swing. Ducking, Billy dodged the attack and whistled. There was a hardened expression on his face-quickly replaced with determination. The whole line of his body changed, shifting into a fighting stance. This is where he exceled, as did you. Hand to hand combat was easily your strong suit.

     Upper cut, move back, and block. Billy pushed you backwards. You were breathing hard. The broken ribs Finn had left you with were aching with every heaving breath. Grappling with your arms, Billy made a miscalculation. Turning, you pushed your hip into his and raised your leg. This lifted him and threw off his center of balance. Toppling to the ground, he landed with you on top of him. Knocking the wind out of him. Quickly you stood and turned away. The fight was yours.

     “You weren’t kidding huh?” Billy huffed trying to catch his breath. Shooting him a nasty look, you wiped the sweat from your face. It was strange. Usually a good fight got the fire out of your blood. It was still there.

     “Yes, I was.” You picked up your bag and walked to the door. It was your gym. It served as a safe place for veterans to work out their frustrations, fear, or other problems. Stepping into the night air you reached into your pocked and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Cupping your hands you lit one up and inhaled. The fumes made you lightheaded. The taste of menthol heavy on the tongue. Billy hated smoking. Hopefully he would just leave. Apparently he had a different idea in mind.

     “You picked that up again?” He cocked a brow and frowned. Taking another drag and exhaling you turned to look at him.

     “What do you want Billy? Because I cannot fathom how you are hearing my words and not understanding them.” It was cold out, fall had come early. The air tasted like ice and regret. How fitting.

     “I want you to talk to me. I want you to let me take you home and take care of you tonight. I want you to drink a beer and take a breath because you are toeing a dangerous line right now,” He told you, running his fingertips along your forearm. Shrugging them off, you put out the cigarette.

     “Not tonight Billy, not tonight.”

       _“Breathe,” You prayed and continued compressions. It was a nine or ten year old girl. Shrapnel had shredded most of her torso and legs, heart stopping. “Breathe,” You begged her. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was time to step away. There was blood on your hands. Your ears were still ringing from the explosion. Gentle hands found their way onto your face and you looked up to see who was talking to you. Billy stood in front of you, speak-there was no sound. Frank was off to the side looking on equally as haunted._

_“Okay?” Billy asked and you actually managed to catch that, “Are you okay?” Reeling back you took a moment to reassess. Clenching and unclenching your fingers, you took inventory. Nothing seemed to be broken. None of the blood was yours._

_“Yes?” Your hair was out of its regulation bun. Swiping it out of your face, you smeared blood across your forehead._

_“You hit the ground hard.” Frank came in an observed your pupils, “I think you’re concussed,” He said and gently moved to lift you._

_“She’s shell shocked,” Billy bit out and cut in. Honestly it was probably a little of both. Leaning into Frank you listened to the steady sound of his heart._

_“Just take me home,” The thing is there was no home in the middle of the desert. It was getting harder and harder to stay._

_They were fighting when you walked into the room. Piece of paper in hand. That piece of paper had felt so heavy at the time. Kandahar, that fresh hell that had solidified a decision. Frank didn’t know. Neither did Billy. Both of them froze when you approached. That last mission had left Frank wounded and Billy with his tail between his legs. The two of them had hurt each other’s feelings. It had left you broken and exhausted._

_“I need to talk to you, both of you.” You told them and gestured to the nearby chairs. They took their seats and waited like an expectant audience. Billy had his hands clasped in his lap, leaning back. Frank was forward, eyes on trailing you._

_“What’s wrong?” Frank immediately picked up on your anxiety. Taking a breath, you handed him the paper and waited. Most people thought Frank was just big and dumb; the man was wickedly intelligent and quick on his feet. You knew he had seen this coming. When he was done reading he passed the paper over to Billy and stood. Wrapping his arms around you, he embraced you for the first time in months. Tears were threatening to fall._

_“You’re being discharged?” Billy breathed out and his voice wavered. This wasn’t going to be easy._

_“Next week,” You murmured against Frank’s chest and he pressed a kiss to your temple. They were your family, more so than any biological ties. That bridge had been burned a long time ago._

_“You finally flyin’ home little bird?” Frank spoke that old nickname. He had given it to you when you two were sixteen. He said it was because you had always longed for freedom but kept yourself in a cage._

_“My, um,” You stuttered unexpectedly, emotions running high. “I have been declared medically unfit to consider serving anymore. The damage from the torture and that bomb blast have done some pretty significant damage. I am being discharge with honors and a pretty significant recommendation to go get some help,” Billy stood then and traded Frank’s arms for his own._

_“Well you will be missed,” The waver was still there. Reaching up and caressing his cheek, you looked between the two of them._

_“Look after each other, okay?” You refused to cry, this was a good thing. “When you guys get back we are going to go out for drinks. I am going to learn how to pole dance, make age appropriate friends, and drink girly drinks. So you gotta be prepared to party with me.” Neither of them believed you. You didn’t believe you. But you had to try and make this better._

_The low light in the Castle’s house streamed through the open windows. It was barely six thirty and the house was already bustling with the sounds of life. You had just pulled your shirt over your head when a soft voice came from the doorway._

_“Auntie why do you have so many scars.” Lisa stood wide eyed and frowning. The little one was smart and quick on the draw. Just like her father. Pulling the thick sweater on, you walked over to the bed and sat down._

_“Well you know how me and your daddy fight bad people?” She nodded, hair falling messily into her eyes. “Well a long time ago one of those bad guys got me. They thought that I could tell them something that they needed to know. When I couldn’t they hurt me.” That made her look rightfully horrified. Lisa was too damn compassionate and empathetic for her own good._

_“That’s awful,” She muttered under her breath._

_“Your daddy and Uncle Billy saved me though,” You told her with a smile, “Just like always.” That replaced the frown with a grin. Lisa worshiped the ground Billy walked on. It was kind of amusing to see how uncomfortable that made Billy; the man was only ever awkward around hero worship and children. Mix them together and you got a bashful young man._

_“When are you and Uncle Billy getting married?” Snorting you raised an eyebrow at her._

_“Who put that idea in your head?” She smirked mischievously._

_“Daddy,”_

_“Who else,”_

_Frank had Jr. out the door and on the lawn faster than you could even blink. The proud, beautifully constructed marine stared down at you from the wall. Oh, you thought, that explains that. Walking into the front yard you made it just in time to hear Jr.’s explanation._

_“Because it’s my job to protect our girls when you’re not here daddy,” And your heart broke. Things had been bad recently. Seeing a psychologist who specialized in PTSD didn’t even help. Most nights you spent next to Maria in bed, curled around her. There was no threat to her in New York but the fear existed the same. Jr. got up with help from Frank. You watched as Frank pressed his forehead to his son’s and thanked him. Boy, shit really sucked._

_It was your first night back at your own place since being discharged. In the first hour you had cleaned your pistol, started a load of laundry, and peered out the window at least seven times. Pacing nervously, you opened the cabinet above the fridge and grabbed the first bottle you found. Whiskey. One of Frank’s that he had left over at some point. Tossing the lid to the side you chugged and chugged. Anything to take the edge off. Tomorrow you had to take the kids to school. That was your responsibility. Frank needed time to see his wife. Get reacquainted with her. Decompress. You had your time to get well. Now it was his turn. How funny that you ever thought that you could get well._

_At around midnight you let yourself into the Castle’s home with your key. Dressed in light weight pajamas and slippers you slid onto the couch when the living room light flipped on. Frank stood blurry eyed in the hall._

_“Come to bed,” He grunted, “Maria won’t mind.” You made a sound of protest and he cocked his head._

_“I don’t want to intrude,” You murmured, words slightly slurred. Sighing, he came over to the sofa and hefted you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes._

_“I couldn’t sleep anyways,” He grumbled and carried you into the bedroom. Maria was sitting upright, book in hand. She didn’t even blink as Frank dropped you from his shoulder to the mattress. “It’s too damn quiet,” There were no sounds of distant gunshots or men speaking. There were no loud snores. When you slipped under the covers, Maria leaned against your shoulder and her eyes drooped. At least one of you was tired._

_“Just lay down,” She ordered in her authoritative voice, “The world won’t end if you rest. God knows the two of you need it.” Frank slid in on the other side of you and suddenly you felt warm and safe. This was home. This was safety. Scooting down you wrapped an arm around Maria and pulled her against you. Frank kept his distance, but ran his hand down your back. The protector._

_“Thank you for keeping them safe,” Was all he said and clicked off the light._

_The school was bustling when you dropped off the kids at car line. Frank was beside you in the passenger seat. Turning you looked at Frank Jr. and Lisa before speaking._

_“Have a good day at school. Jr. listen to me, no matter what that Logan kid says, you don’t hit him unless he hits first. Punch him square in his nose and don’t you dare tell your mother I said that. You call me or your dad and we will handle it. Lisa kick ass on your project in science.” Frank snorted and rolled his eyes at you but said nothing about the language. “After school we are going to go out for dinner.” You told them and there was a soft smile on Frank’s face. You hadn’t wanted to go at first but some rather choice words on his part convinced you._

_“Is Uncle Billy coming?” Lisa asked excitedly. Shaking your head, you reached back and opened the door._

_“No he has to do some stuff before he can come over. It’s just me.” They didn’t even try to hide their mild disappointment._

_Half way home Frank started watching you. Out of the corner of your eye you saw him evaluating. Sighing you pulled onto the nearest rural road and stopped the car._

_“What?” You asked him. Frank leaned back in his seat. There was something wrong. It was painted across his features._

_“Tell me somethin’, how are you doing? Really?” The two of you hadn’t had a chance to talk in private yet. It had been a long time coming._

_“I’m screaming on the inside and managing to keep it together on the outside Frank,” You told him, “If we are being honest I’m fucking exhausted. I feel like there are some nights when I can’t get clean. Like I’m scrubbing off blood and sand and sweat. There are times when I start to panic because I can’t see the kids or Maria isn’t within ear shot,” You ground your teeth together to get the words out. Frank unbuckled your seat belt and pulled your legs across the center consol._

_“You’re too wound up and you haven’t found any good outlets yet.” He rubbed the tense muscles of your calves with calloused hands. Even that was odd, to feel his skin on your own. To be wearing a dress. To be exposed._

_“What do you suggest I do Dr. Castle?” You asked snarkily. Frank huffed and ignored the tone for the time being._

_“My advice, find Billy and get laid.” You kicked him for that little comment and he burst into laughter, “I’m dead serious. Push yourself, go have a little fun.” It wasn’t funny until it was. The two of you sat giggling in the front seat of your car like high schoolers._

_“Well I do have some new pole dancing moves to show off so I might as well,” You started laughing again at the look on Frank’s face._

_“Sweetheart you’d make his damn day if that’s the truth.”_

     A knock came at your door at eight-thirty. There were two officers standing there with a rather grim look on their faces. The first thought you had was that Frank was dead.

     “Ma’am you need to come with us,” One them said, solemn. “Frank Castle escaped from prison last night.” You almost cried with relief. Reyes was probably shitting herself.

     “Of course,” You replied and grabbed your purse off its hook near the door, “Let’s go.” They said nothing about how you were in your pajamas or how you smelled like bourbon. They just led you to the car. Things were about to get interesting.

     It had been a sting operation. Reyes had gotten the Castle family killed. All because she wanted to advance her career. Beside you Matt and Foggy were ripping the woman apart. You couldn’t move. A single decision had gotten them killed. If Reyes had just cleared the park…Matt’s head tilted to the side. One hand shoved you over and then he was laying over Karen’s body. Gun fire sprayed through the wall and into the room. Looking around you waited for the wave of bullets to stop coming. Foggy had been hit in the shoulder. That stung like a bitch. When everything went quiet, you moved fast. Reyes was dead, eyes wide, lying atop her cherry wood desk. Taking off your jacket, you pressed it against Foggy’s shoulder.

     “You’re okay,” You told him and shot him a nervous smile, “Hey we match now.” The bullet had entered right under his collar bone. Best to keep him calm. The room was too quiet. But at least Karen was listening to Matt as he pushed her towards the door.

     “Is Frank insane?” He growled. You whipped your head around as you lifted Foggy.

     “This wasn’t Frank,” It had been too messy. Frank didn’t miss and didn’t hurt innocents. And he would never have fired into a room full of people who had been trying to help him. “Help me get Foggy to safety, we can discuss this then.” You ordered, voice tight.

     The EMT’s had Foggy secured and in the ambulance when you felt a hand on your shoulder. Matt was standing awkwardly.

     “What are you going to do?” He asked. It had been clear during the trial that there was something going on his personal life. Daredevil wouldn’t be able to help you on this one. Nor would he.

     “I’m going hunting,” You told him. Matt’s jaw clenched and you patted his arm. “Don’t worry, I don’t shoot people unless they deserve it.” That didn’t seem to help the situation.

     “I’m going to ask you what I asked Frank when he said that exact thing,” Matt spoke in a hushed tone, “What happens when someone decides you deserve it?” Chuckling sadly, you retrieved your purse from the ground. You think Matt would have laughed in your face if he could see you. Covered in blood and dressed in polka-dot pajamas.

     “Well, they better not miss.” And that was god’s honest truth.

     “He said that too,” Matt almost sounded like he was pleading, “And look where it got him,”

     “It got him right to where he wanted to be. Maybe not the way he wanted to, but he got there.” Looking around you saw an opening that wasn’t swarming with reporters. “Stay out of my way Matt.” With a final warning, you walked past him. All words of protest dying out.

    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for such overwhelming support. I am glad y'all are enjoying this so much. 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated.


	4. Say Your Prayers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bottle smashed against the wall. Billy looked at you in surprise. There was a moment of silence as you fumed.  
>  “How fucking dare you?” You snarled at him. It had been a bad night. Frank was out and hadn’t bothered to contact you. It was unfathomable really. And Billy had decided it was a good idea to poke and prod at your pain.  
>  “You need to calm down,” He told you slow and cautious. The alcohol was slowing your thoughts and reactions. It did nothing to numb down the fire in your heart or rage racing through you.  
>  “You need to get the hell out!” You told him, venom dripping from your words. When he tried to crowd in, you shoved against his chest hard. “Leave!” Shaking his head, Billy walked to the front door with a frown on his face. It was rare that the two of you fought, but tonight was a blow out. If you had anything else to throw, you would.   
>  “I am saying this because I love you,” He spoke slowly, making sure you understood every word. “This behavior is not you and it needs to stop. For everyone’s sake.” Grabbing his keys off the table by the door, he left you to ponder his words.

"I'm gonna make you bend and break (It sent you to me without wait)  
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll  
In case God doesn't show (Let the good times roll, let the good times roll)

And I want these words to make things right  
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life  
Who does he think he is?  
If that's the worst you got, better put your fingers back to the key

One night and one more time  
Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great  
He tastes like you, only sweeter  
One night, yeah, and one more time  
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories  
See, he tastes like you, only sweeter"

\- Thnks Fr th Mmrs", Fall Out Boy

            The bottle smashed against the wall. Billy looked at you in surprise. There was a moment of silence as you fumed.

            “How fucking dare you?” You snarled at him. It had been a bad night. Frank was out and hadn’t bothered to contact you. It was unfathomable really.  And Billy had decided it was a good idea to poke and prod at your pain.

            “You need to calm down,” He told you slow and cautious. The alcohol was slowing your thoughts and reactions. It did nothing to numb down the fire in your heart or rage racing through you.

            “You need to get the hell out!” You told him, venom dripping from your words. When he tried to crowd in, you shoved against his chest hard. “Leave!” Shaking his head, Billy walked to the front door with a frown on his face. It was rare that the two of you fought, but tonight was a blow out. If you had anything else to throw, you would.

            “I am saying this because I love you,” He spoke slowly, making sure you understood every word. “This behavior is not you and it needs to stop. For everyone’s sake.” Grabbing his keys off the table by the door, he left you to ponder his words.

            There was a hand over your mouth and you woke with a start. The hand pressing down released and you looked up. Frank was standing over you, eyes heavy lidded. Softening , you searched his face for something…anything. You were met with cold indifference.

            “I need back up,” He told you and in the darkness you could see that he was geared up and ready to go. It took a moment before you could swing your legs over the edge of the bed and sit upright.

            “Where are we going?” You questioned and headed towards your closet. Punching in the code to your safe you handed frank a holster, your pistol, and your shotgun. Then your knives. Quickly you undressed yourself and pulled on something more appropriate. Before finishing you strapped your holsters on and loaded them up, then added the final layer.

            “To the ship yard,” He told you, answers short and to the point. “The Blacksmith… he’s there.” It was breaking your heart, but this was how it was going to be. The fresh blood, the bruises were all part of the new normal. It was just something to adjust to. And if anything you were adaptable. Sliding one last knife into your boot you stood up straighter, looked him in the eye. Frank was still Frank. Maybe a little more broken. Maybe a little more tired. But he was still just Frank.

            “You know that I have you,” You reached out to touch his shoulder then hesitated. You remembered the look on his face at trial, the betrayal. “Right?” His face softened slightly, no gruff frown.

            “I know,” He murmured and his voice broke a little, “I know you do.” For a moment he paused, took the time to embrace you. Muscular arms wrapped you up and held on tight like he was afraid to let you go-it was bittersweet because you knew for a fact it wouldn’t last. There were words on the tip of your tongue, a plea. Don’t do this. Don’t hunt this man. Just stay with me. But unfortunately you knew that he needed this, he needed to hunt the man responsible. Once upon a time he had told you that people didn’t get to pick the things that fixed them; that it was dependent on the person. This wouldn’t fix him. But it could ease the pain. The only kind of pain you couldn’t take away. And so that was something you could live with.

            “Let’s go.” You slid your jacket on and zipped it tight. God, please be kind.

            It was quiet when you got to the ship yard. There was the sound of the water lapping at the boats and docks. There was the sound of gulls trilling at being disturbed by your presence. Walking three paces behind Frank, pistol in hand, you were ready for anything. That was where you were meant to be. At his back protecting his blind spots.

            “What’s the plan?” You questioned him quietly when you recognized the ship you were looking for. Frank paused, lips pulling tight. It was rare but sometimes even he wasn’t sure what to do.  Winging it was really more your style anyways. “Got it, how about I provide suppressing fire should a fight break out and apply pressure where it’s needed.” Frank shook his head and you frowned.

            “No, I don’t want them seeing your face.” He ran a hand over his face, “You can provide cover fire from a distance, but you don’t get in close you understand me? Don’t speak and keep your head down.” That was all well and good but the weapons you brought were meant for close to mid-range.

            “Frank this isn’t going to work if you aren’t willing to let me take risks. You know what I brought with me and there is no way I can provide adequate cover fire with a shotgun.” Tapping your face gently with his fingertips, he forced you to look up.

            “I didn’t say you had to be a mile away from all of this.” He growled and you rolled your eyes. “You just need to be smart about this. They know I’m coming for them. But you-I don’t think they’d ever assume you were part of the equation.” Understanding his words, you rolled up the neck of your sweater to cover your face. Frank nodded in approval.

            “Good girl,”

            Frank had the man at gun point, confession on his lips, when Daredevil burst in. Cocking your shotgun you pointed it directly at his temple when he started arguing with Frank. The thing was you knew Matt was right. The man wasn’t the Blacksmith, too much of a weasel. But you had to do right by Frank not Matt.

            “You need to leave,” You told the Devil. In the yellow light of the ship his eyes looked even redder than usual, bright and vibrant. The stock of the gun was pressed tightly against your shoulder and you were ready to fire. Matt knocked the gun out of Frank’s hand with a hammer. Didn’t even bother with you. It went to show how much Frank actually admired Daredevil. If it had been anyone else they would have been dead. Frank turned on his heel and pushed the Devil out the door leaving you alone with the man. Before you could blink he had already radioed, speaking to quickly for you to catch what was said. Walking two steps forward you looked down at his pathetic form.

            “They’re coming,” He laughed, “You and Castle are done for.” Shrugging you took aim.

            “Well, so are you.” You fired off a single shot. The majority of it caught his face and the rest hit his neck. Dead, the man slumped over. To your surprise the hurt stopped , if only for a moment.

            Daredevil and Frank were arguing like an old couple with fundamentally different beliefs. It was a miracle that the two of them had managed to get anything done, ever. It was a matter of pride. Their beliefs were what gave them the drive to do what they did. At the moment you could care less.

            “Gentlemen we are gonna have company soon,” They ignored you.

            “Stay down Frank,” Matt told your friend. And for a moment Frank did, breathing heavy and tired. You watched the display with a nasty taste in your mouth.

            “I’m so sick of you!” Frank growled and lunged forward. The motion itself was impeccable but his injuries and rage left him open and Matt was able to grapple with him. Sending Frank flying, Matt perused. But Frank actually stayed down. Being the good man, Matt tried to help him up.

            “Get off me!” Frank snarled like a rabid dog. “Just couldn’t let me have it, could you? Just couldn’t let me have it. One second of peace. It was right there. You had to sweep in. You feel good about yourself? You piece of shit.” It was funny but you couldn’t remember the last time Frank had sounded so…New Yorker. Leaning against the nearest crate you just listened. Maybe if you just let them fight it out.

            “Oh, come on Frank. It wouldn’t have been the truth, and you know it. I can’t let you start a war for the wrong reasons,” Matt said and you could feel the disapproval radiating off of him. It was an argument based of beliefs and morality. Matt and Frank sat on opposite sides.

             “Maybe a war is what I need,” You understood the feeling all too well. That’s what he had been trying to do, create a war. Frank was good at it. So were you. “Maybe I need that. These people, they took my children from me. They killed my kids! Don’t you get that!” You closed your eyes and breathed. Lisa and Frank Jr. flashed before you, how happy and good they had been. Young and innocent. You had no place interjecting with your own pain here. This was Frank’s time. This was his healing, his time to decide.

            “Then do right by them. Help me. Work with me to find the man who gave the order.” Matt said softly. They were a collision of opposites. Where Matt was all soft words and gentle reminders of a life that could be, Frank was hellfire and realism.

            “And then what Red? We gonna-we gonna bring them in for justice? Is that what we’re gonna do? Your way is bullshit Red. It doesn’t work. I need him…I need him gone. It’s gotta be permanent! It’s gotta be finished!” Tears were sliding over your cheeks as you listened to them. This was what agony was. Listening to two people, so damn good, fight over what was right.  The worst part neither of them was wrong.  The system was flawed and Frank’s brand of justice was brutal. And to say who was in the right was just impossible. But you had already chosen a side. And it was whatever side Frank landed on. And where that was didn’t matter.

            “I…I understand,” Matt tried to ease Frank down back to serenity but he didn’t understand. Good men never did. “You’re right. My way isn’t working. So maybe, just this once…maybe. Yeah, your way is what its gonna take.” Oh, Matt. If he was saying that you knew he didn’t understand. All it took was true unimaginable loss. And you would never wish that on anyone.  Letting out a sound then you flinched, Frank looked up at you and you could just see the hurt.

            “Red, just this once? No. No, no, no, no, no Red. That’s not how it works. It’s just, you cross over to my side of the line and you don’t get to come back from that. Not ever.” Frank’s voice was a whisper, softer than you’d heard it in a long time. It was obvious now that Frank was jealous…jealous of the peace that Matt carried even in hardship.  It startled you when tires screeched against asphalt. Looking up you saw a car pull in near the ship you were on. Another was close behind.

            “I count ten. Armed,” Matt noted, nostrils flaring. “There’s a lot of gun powder below decks. Any of these guys start shooting, this whole ship-” Your hand went to your shotgun, eyes traversing the area for an advantage.

            “It’ll blow straight to hell,” You could hear the idea in the tone of Frank’s voice, you shot him a harsh look which he met half way.

            “We gotta get off this boat before they open fire.” Matt said, hand coming up to grip your bicep. Frank was looking around determination.

            “Frank-“ You said as he stood.

            “You’re goddamn right you do.” He put hand to each of your chests and shoved. The fall felt like it took forever. Then there was icy water knocking the breath from your chest. Matt wrapped an arm around your waist and kicked hard, dragging you away. All protests died as the ship exploded a few moments later. Fire and metal raining down. Matt covered your mouth when you screamed.

            The fires still burned at the sirens wailed in the distance. Matt had your face in your hands, speaking slowly. Brett, the only cop you actually liked, and Karen stepped out of the first vehicle. The sound of Karen’s heels on the asphalt was loud and grating.

            “Shhhh,” Matt muttered, holding you against his chest. They were worried about the bodies…about the news. Brett called it in, anxiety high in his voice. Karen walked forward, eyes surveying the scene. In that moment you remembered why you had taken a shine to her. Despite the tears in her eyes, she was standing strong. Despite the bodies. Despite the smell. Despite everything that had happened. Matt hung his head for a moment, saying what sounded like a soft prayer. Gently he pushed you upright.

            “We need to go,” He told you and his voice was stern. Shaking your head, you choked back a sob.

            “I can’t-you don’t understand I can’t leave him.”  You uttered. Matt gripped your shoulders tightly and pushed again.

            “Frank would kill me if I let you stay.” It took several more tries before your legs worked again. “Go,”

            The shower pounded against your back, water washing your pain down the drain only to replace it was heartbreaking loneliness. This was the second time Frank had died, left you alone. It didn’t get easier. If anything it got harder and harder. The love you had for him was limitless but there was only so much that you could mentally handle. It had only been a matter of time before you broke. It should have been you. You should have stayed and pushed him overboard. It would have been the right thing to do. It didn’t make you angry. Hell it didn’t even make you want to drink. It made you want answers, the truth. It made you want the man at the head of the operation. But how could you get it? You were just a little girl in way over her head.

            Wrapping the towel around your waist, you went into your bedroom. The moon light and city glow filtered through the open window. Sitting on the edge of your bed, you wept. Not just for Frank, but for yourself. _Take nothing on its looks; take everything on evidence. There is no better rule._ Great expectations had been your favorite book growing up; it had even accompanied you to the Middle East. The words of Dickens had resonated back then and even more now. It was not the time for grief. You had your time to cry. It was time to take action and bend the world to your will. It was time to be brave and suck it up. Frank, you could write an entire book about the things that he said and did. It was your time now, to write your story. To move forwards. Fighting for the truth.

            Karen was the best place to start. The woman had a wickedly sharp mind could find a lead where you thought there was nothing. It was night, the day after Frank had been killed. When you followed her down a familiar path. Schoonover, she was at your old C.O’s house and you couldn’t figure out why. What lead could the man possibly have that you did not?  It was probably nothing but there was some sick feeling in your gut. It hit you as you set up the stand for your M40. Schoonover had been one of the few people present through the entirety of your service. Schoonover had been the one to discharge you. Schoonover had been the one who spun Reyes a tale in court, one you thought was meant to distract from what his own cowardice. From what the orders had really been that night.  Everything that had been hidden was now obfuscated in the low November night. It was a nasty angle where you were positioned but it was the only one with an almost clear shot in the study. A hint of movement started you out of your reverie and you looked at Karen’s car. All you could think was goddamn it Frank.

            Stepping quietly out of the brush, you let out a soft whistle. Frank whirled to look at you. The clothing on his body smelled of gasoline and burning as you moved in next to him. Taking a deep breath, you swallowed down every word that threatened to come out of your mouth. Telling Frank to Run would do no good.

            “What’s the plan?” You asked calmly, quietly. Frank popped opened the door to Karen’s car and rummaged through the glove box. Why you couldn’t fathom. A cassette tape appear in his hand a moment later; sticking it into the player he waited and turned the volume dial all the way up/

            “Karen will know what to do,” Frank offered that small bit of information. It was clear that Frank liked her . You think it was because she was so similar to Maria.

            “Do I even want to know?” Frank shook his head but answered you anyways.

            “We had a moment,” He told you, “She almost shot me and then we coffee. Now find some place to hunker down. This is gonna be messy.”

            The woods were quiet save for the grunts of Frank dragging Schoonover. Eventually he let the old man back on his feet…with the barrel of your gun pressed against his back.

            “Walk,” You growled and he obeyed. The things power could do to a man. When you came upon a shack at the edge of the property you waited. Frank sidled up next to you. Schoonover never stopped talking, you ignored his words.

            “Frank, stop. You don’t have to kill him.” Karen’s voiced echoed in the silence. Frank turned to look at her, you didn’t. You especially kept your eyes on the old man.

            “Get back in the car,” Frank ordered and his voice was hard and all gravel.

            “Kandahar, what’s that…what happened?” She questioned further. Damn her curiosity. Damn all of this.

            “Go,”

            “Did you do something,” You closed your eyes for a moment, waiting. People like her had no business looking for the truth. That little light that she carried inside her would get snuffed out real fast if she couldn’t learn to leave well enough alone.  “If they come after you-just tell me. Tell me the truth. I’ll help you. I’ll help you figure it out. Just tell me the truth.” Schoonover snickered.

            “Yeah tell her the truth.” You pressed the barrel of the gun against his forehead making your intent clear. Jesus Karen just leave, you prayed.

            “Tell me for Maria. Tell me for Lisa. Tell me for Frank Jr.. Tell me for her,” She nodded in your direction, desperate.

            “Tell her what you did,” Schoonover antagonized, trying to seal his death warrant.

            “You shut up!” Karen snapped, eyes fully of fury and desperation. That was what Karen Page was, justice…she was justice and truth embodied. This could only end one way, you knew that. Tonight she would learn the price of those things. “What happened. Please, we’ll figure it out.  But if you kill him, you’ll never know.” Frank paused for a moment and looked at Karen with something you didn’t understand. The way she said those words lead you to believe there was more to it than a simple plea. Silently he shook his head and grabbed Schoonover by his collar and dragged him to the shack. Karen’s pleas echoed on the night air.

            “No, no, no. Frank! Listen to me Frank! You do this and you are the monster that they say you are. Do you hear me?” He undoubtedly did, as did you. You do this and I am done! That’s it! You’re dead to me!” You followed behind Frank, hand on the door knob.

            “I’m already dead,” He answered and you shut the door behind you.

            Schoonover settled, back resting against a tool chest. Leaning against the wall you steadied yourself…your hands shaking slightly. Frank pried the gun out of your grip and stood tall. The old man looked around and there was almost amusement in his voice as he spoke.

            “It’s like a candy store in here. Go on. Go ahead. I had to teach the two of you to hold a gun. You remember. Eighteen and neither of you had ever held a piece before. C’mon they call you the “Punisher”. Prove it! Prove you don’t need me anymore.” This was a man who wanted to die, not give information. Frank wandered the room eyes darting over its conents. Ultimately it was his decision what happened here. You, well you were just the backup.

            “One shot…one kill. You taught me that.” Frank shook his head, not looking at the man. You refused to close your eyes for what came next. Frank raised the gun.

            “You stupid son of a-”  Blood splattered against the wall. It almost fit the space. That awful red.  Letting out a shaky sigh, you settled against a table. It felt like all of your weight had increased tenfold. Frank once surveyed the room. Observing…walls? Pushing a tool chest out of the way, he opened a hidden panel on the wall. The room was filled with guns and armor. It was then that you knew this would never be over.

            Shoving Frank through the front door, you tossed the duffle bag of guns on the hardwood floor.  It took a moment before Frank fully relaxed. Only then did you removed the jacket from his shoulders with extreme care. There was blood on his hands and clothes.

            “I’m going to run the bath for you,” You spoked quietly and smoothed out his shirt. When he made a move to protest, you put your hand in the air. “Please Frank, for my sake. Just let me take care of you?” You phrased it like a question, offering an out. Frank nodded in agreement. Leading him to the bathroom you had him sit on top of the granite counter. The hot water from the faucet was pure heaven against your freezing hands. When the tub was full you turned back to him to find him watching you intently.

            “What?” You asked him and tugged up the bottom of his shirt. Frank made no protest as you pulled it over his head. There was a fresh seatbelt bruise across his chest but that didn’t seem to be a big issue.

            “Just wonderin’ what I did to deserve someone like you.” Standing him, you removed his belt and pants with clinical precision. You were the lucky one.

            “Frank,” You uttered, “Get in the bath and shut the fuck up.”

            The blood was stubborn and you scrubbed at it ruthlessly. Once that had finally come off you went to remove your hand. Frank stopped you and laced your fingers together. You settled comfortably on your knees and waited. It was his way of asking you to slow down and wait for him to catch up. The weight of his words was always crafted due to meticulous planning ahead. When you expected words, you got a hand on your cheek again. Naked in all aspects, Frank looked at you. His eyes were watery. Your breath caught in your throat when he leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to the corner of your mouth. Before you could really react he pulled away.

            “I love you,” What he meant to say was sorry. You were sure of that. Leaning your forehead against his, you inhaled sharply.

            “I know that you asshole,”

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note I edited this why on an obnoxious amount of benadryl, If there are any error please tell me.


	5. What Was Never Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is a look at Frank. Short, sweet, and simple.

"And I'll use you as a warning sign

That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind

And I'll use you as focal point  
So I don’t lose sight of what I want  
And I've moved further than I thought I could  
But I miss you more than I thought I would  
Oh I'll use you as a warning sign  
That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be  
Right in front of me, talk some sense to me

And I'll use you as a makeshift gauge  
Of how much to give and how much to take  
Oh I'll use you as a warning sign  
That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind"

\- "I Found", Amber Run

 

_Things were boring around base. The only thing that broke up the monotony was your phone calls. Sitting down at the computer, he waited. The connection was good for once. Your face came through clean and clear._

_“Holy shit, I thought this thing would never work.” Your voice was stressed but you were clearly happy. In the corner of his eye, he saw Billy lingering curiously._

_“You look good,” Frank said and smiled, “How are things over there.” Despite the fact that he was in the same region as you, the two of you never saw one another.  Frank smirked as you rolled your eyes and glanced behind you._

_“Same as always,” You told him and there was that little smile on your face that spoke volumes of your mental state. Despite your lack of respect for your C.O’s, he knew you loved the work. “But I’ve been reassigned. A special operations squad.” That was not good news. You were supposed to be keeping your head down. Now that your abilities were out in the open that was becoming harder and harder. Sitting forward in his seat, he pointed a finger at the camera._

_“Be careful…and if shit smells funny you get the hell out of there. You understand me,” There were some things that Frank couldn’t risk. Billy moved in a little closer and raised a brow._

_“I’m gonna be fine Frank. I just got back from leave and Lisa is doing a damn good job in preschool.” You had seen his kid, that was the whole point of the call._

_“You sure?”_

_“Hell yeah, she’s kicking ass and taking names.  Pigtails and grit Frank, pigtails and grit. Rest easy,” Breathing out a sigh of relief he settled back in the chair. The world around him slowed for moment and he just breathed. If his daughter was fine, he was fine._

_“So tell me, how was New York?”_

_After hanging up Billy was at his side in a second. There was a curious twinkle in his eyes._

_“Well, was that the missus?” He asked and Frank rolled his eyes. Of course the other man thought you were the mistress. The relationship you two had was hard enough to explain without the added stress of a wife and child, add those on and it was damn nearly unexplainable. There was just some things that people didn’t get. They didn’t get that you had been there…always. No matter what. They didn’t get that you were more than just family._

_“The best friend actually,” Frank cracked his neck and sat back in his chair. It had been a relief to hear how Maria and Lisa were doing. All three of his girls were alive and well._

_“She’s beautiful,” Billy commented and Frank sent him a look._

_“It’s not like that man,” And Billy laughed and it was comforting to hear. Sure Frank had issues with some of the man’s beliefs, but Billy was good people._

_“I wasn’t saying that for your sake man,” And honestly the idea of Billy’s hands on you made him nervous. It wasn’t that Billy would treat you wrong…no it was that no one deserved that privilege. You had never had the freedom to be yourself before the military. Once you were comfortable in your own skin, there was a transformation. It was like the dormant part of you pulled forwards and thrived. The part that had been only his to see for so long. The idea of sharing that was…hard to come to grips with._

_“Billy, I am saying this as your friend,” Frank breathed out, “She would eat you alive,”_

_“No, she wouldn’t. I am a master of seduction,”_

_“She’s got no masters,”_

_They told him that your unit had been overwhelmed by a group of insurgents. Pacing the room Frank tossed a chair. Billy stood close behind ready for action._

_“Are we goin’ after her?” Frank questioned. It was unthinkable that you had gotten captured. There was no him without you. Even if there was no mission, he would hunt you down get you out. Out of the men in the unit he could count on Billy and Curtis._

_“She is being held in a highly secure base. The information they are likely targeting is related to Stark industries. They recently made a deal with the company for new high tech weapons. They probably think she has information or names to give them.” Schoonover traced a finger over the map, “We have the location of the base. Your objective is to get her out of the base. The government has greenlit this operation, no holds. Do what you do best.” The layout of the base was literally a maze. But thermal imaging could only do so much. They were flying blind. According to intel you had been in these men’s clutches a little under a month. That was a large amount of time. And during a war, time was everything. It was only a matter of time before you broke or were killed. Time was of the essence._

_Kicking open the door to the barracks, Frank picked up his rifle and gear. A hand gripped his shoulder tight._

_“This is her right?” Billy asked, “Your best friend, the one you’re always talking to?” Frank nodded and gripped his gun a little tighter. Taking a step back Billy nodded._

_“We’ll get her out Frank.” Billy straightened his back and looked him in the eye. “She’s going to be fine,” Coming from pessimistic Billy Russo it was almost a promise. Curtis made his presence known by clearing his throat._

_“If we’re doin’ this, you’re gonna need me around.” The tall man wrung his hands and cracked his neck, “If they’ve had her this long they’ve undoubtedly applied pressure. Nothing I can’t handle,” Frank was prepared for that. The idea of it was so wrong. There were parts of him imagining your mangled corpse rotting somewhere cold and dark. Standing up, Frank looked his two best men in the eye._

_“We do this quick and clean. We get in, get her out, and leave. Got it?” Both nodded . Frank couldn’t shake the feeling that all of it was going to blow up in his face._

_Pressing the barrel of his gun to the man’s face, Frank growled. It didn’t matter who these men were. They were just cannon fodder before they got to the real threat._

_“Where is she?” Frank snarled at the man. Choking on the blood in his mouth, the man answered him shortly._

_“Center room. It’s a torture chamber. You’ll be lucky to find any of her left.” Frank fired a round through the man’s skull and advanced. The compound was a mess of bullets and a surprising number of troops. Unable to advance, Frank glanced at Billy._

_“Go find her! Move up and I’ll cover you.” Billy took three deep breaths and disappeared down the hall. Just as promised Frank gave the  men hell, taking there lives. It was time to get you home. It was time to take you back into the safety of his arms. If anyone could accomplish that it was Billy. The man could move as silently as a shadow. And Frank trusted him to get you out alive._

_Blood and the smell of burnt flesh greeted Frank’s nose as Billy reentered the room. Billy had you clutched against his chest, face panicked._

_“Castle I got her,” There was no sound in the room other than your labored breathing. Frantic Billy searched for Curtis. Your wide eyes met Franks. Frank nearly crumpled with relief. Desperate, you reached out for him in an aborted motion. A low sound at the back of your throat. Dropping his gun, Frank moved forward and scooped you out of Billy’s arms._

_“Curtis!” Frank yelled and sank to the floor with you, “Curtis get in here!” Little hands reached up and traced over his nose and jaw. They smeared blood across Frank’s skin._

_“Hi,” Your voice was so soft, barely a whisper. Considering your injuries, Frank loosened his grip, searching for discomfort…he found none. There was a faraway look in your eyes, distant and fearful._

_“Hi,” He answered and for a moment they cleared. Tears burst forwards. Settling you against the ground he wiped away those tears. Hands shaking. “None of that,” He told you and gently swiped your hair out of your eyes. It was longer than he remembered. It suited you. Curtis entered the room and immediately was at your side, murmuring under his breath._

_“Evac is about five minutes out,” Billy told him and Frank offered him a pat on the shoulder while never taking his eyes off you. Curtis looked up from the ground, a furrow between his brow._

_“Castle, your girl is dehydrated, malnourished, and in shock. We need to be careful while transporting her to the evac site. Honestly I am surprised her body has lasted this long,” Curtis’ explanation had Frank nodding in agreement. They moved you with care. Hands gentle and cautious. He knew you didn’t hear him as you flew back to base but he whispered in your ear._

_“C’mon baby girl,” He murmured, “You gotta stay awake. You gotta keep moving.” The words were lost on your ears but to him they made all the difference._

           Dressed in a pair of loose sweat pants Frank entered your bedroom. It startled you out of the half-asleep state you had been in. Kandahar was fresh at the forefront of his mind and sleep was elusive. Karen Page’s face was haunting, frantic.

            “Frank,” You murmured exhausted and rubbed your eyes. It took everything in his power not to rush forwards like a scared child and curl up under the sheets. With no words you slid over in bed and made room for him. The invitation open, as always. Settling his body against the mattress, he kept his distance as you drifted between sleep and wakefulness. Hands twitching he longed to reach out and just hold you tight. With Schoonover dead, all that was left was more questions than answers. Gentle fingertips smoothed over the tip of his nose as if trying to erase the pain. Taking a shaky breath he opened his eyes too look at you. In the moonlight pouring through the open window you looked beautiful. Like an ethereal ghost that would just disappear if he reached out. It surprised him when you took the initiative and pushed your body against his. The curve of your back pressed against his chest. Real and tangible. “Go to sleep,” You murmured. And Frank closed his eyes but couldn’t sleep.

            Things were different now. There was something undefinable in your relationship that caused Frank to pause as you murmured sleepy words trying to ease him to sleep. It was a split second decision but he made it all the same. Cautiously he gripped your chin and the words stopped coming. When you made a sound of protest, he hushed you. Leaning in, Frank pressed a soft kiss to your lips. A whisper of what could be.

            “Frank?” You uttered unsure. Hushing you once more, he kissed your jaw tenderly. You turned in his arms to look up at him.

            “Don’t say nothin’,” He told you, voice  low and full of gravel. Reaching up, you traced the line of his jaw in a slow precession of caresses. This time you kissed him, lips moving slowly. Savoring the moment of peace. There was palpable heartbreak. Loss. Rolling over your body Frank deepened the kiss, trailing a hand down to you hip. He kissed you once, twice, three times more before pulling away. Forehead resting on your own, he breathed a shaky breath. You tasted like booze and the toothpaste in the bathroom. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. He wasn’t supposed to love you so deeply that it hurt. But he did.

            “Go to bed baby,” He spoke against your lips and you arched your body against his. The ache resonated deeper. There was the urge, desperate and deep, to claim what was before him but now was not the time. Until this was finished it would never be the right time. Once more you rolled over, body softened against him.

            “Take your own advice,” There was softness in your voice that was so rarely there. “Take a minute Frank, breathe.” He couldn’t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This arch is all finished. Next comes the Punisher timeline. I hope you all enjoyed...I certainly did. Feedback is always appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> I am planning on making this a long spanning series over the course of Daredevil season 2. Comments and kudos are always appreciated.


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